Mental Health Tips and Tricks

Stress Relief Section

Veterans Crisis Line (run by the VA; try others as well) help line for veterans in the US: dial 988 then press 1. Also a personal recommendation: if you are mentally in the weeds, go to the library. I know that sounds weird, but you can always find inspiration where you least expect it to make life suck at least a little less if you browse, find a book, read, muse on it. Online catalogs often let you make wishlists with a library card too, and you can build yourself a better life with that step by step

Books listed here for easy reference

• 4/21/23 Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies by Tara Schuster - with any mental issues at all, or any problems in life, the best thing to do is to build yourself a mental toolkit. And this has a lot of tools. Especially for PTSD, which is ironic considering all the other "PTSD" books I read that focused on how feckin hard it is to deal with PTSD and literally nothing else (Yes, Karen writers! I am aware!). Please remember that if any given tool doesn't work for you, then you don't have to do it. No matter how much the writer of the book or whatever says it's a great tool or whatever, if it isn't for you, then they aren't you and therefore can't judge.
• 4/5/23 The Intrusive Thoughts Toolkit by Jon Hershfield, MFT et al - say it with me, thoughts are not things.
• 3/27/23 Sweet Potato Queens series - I can't believe it, but they help?!
• 3/25/23 Life's Little Instruction Book by H. Jackson Brown, Jr. - not all of it is applicable anymore, nor does all of it make perfect sense, but it sure makes a difference in quality of life 6/14/23 This one is actually a slow burn so to speak. If the instructions aren't applicable to your situation you can adapt them for your situation, and there's a lot more in this book than meets the eye. Also apparently this is part of a series. The first book can improve not just quality of life but every area of life. I presume the rest of the series may also help
• 3/25/23 The classics, classic literature, and whatever you can find at your library, including banned books - why? Because these do have "how to human" in there. And some of them can change your life. Also, banned books these days aren't books that are actually bad or harmful, or ones that teach you to make weapons of mass destruction or how to be a psychopath or something. They're just politically unpopular.
• 1/24/23 Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, Penguin version, is worth it. I skip the introductory and outro waffle and just read the Meditations, fyi
• 1/18/23 Ye Gods, Dan Pearce has finally put some of his blog posts back online on Kindle Unlimited. If you have it, they're $0, and if you don't, they're like $5 a pop. This man is not a psychologist but boy does reading this stuff ever help.
• How To Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis, LPC - surprisingly helpful for mental health as well as housekeeping.
• Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach
• Romancing The Ordinary by Sarah Ban Breathnach
• My Drunk Kitchen by Hannah Hart, also My Drunk Kitchen Holidays by Hannah Hart
• The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday
• Self Matters by Dr. Phil
• Relationship Rescue by Dr. Phil
• How To Be You by Jeffrey Marsh
• Un@#*% Your Brain by Faith G. Harper
• When Panic Attacks by David Burns, M.D.
• Every Body Yoga by Jessamyn Stanley
• The World According to Mr. Rogers
• Anything by Dan Pearce, aka Single Dad Laughing - if everyone read this guy's work the world would be a far better place, and I hope he puts Single Dad Laughing's archives back online
• You Can Do It! by Lauren Catuzzi Grandcolas - added 10/23/24
• 5,203 Things To Do Instead Of Looking At Your Phone by Barbara Ann Kipfer, and 14,000 Things To Be Happy About by Barbara Ann Kipfer - added 11/6/24. If the rest of this author's books are like these two, they are slow burns. Kinda like the stuff by H. Jackson Brown, Jr. Have you ever chewed on a sugarcane? These books are like that. Takes a while to get the good stuff out of them but it's totally worth it.
• Everyday Mindfulness for OCD by Jon Hershfield, MFT and Shala Nicely, LPC - added 11/21/24. This helps with my PTSD and it also can help with a wide variety of phobias. In fact I think it could honestly help everyone, however, I believe it's important to ignore the "unconditional acceptance" and whatever else Brene Brown has said which this book unfortunately references. She's a quack. There are things in this book that shouldn't be there, but there are things in it that can help you recover from unimaginable traumas. Take your time with it and learn which parts of it help you and which don't.

Substitute Therapists, because you can't find any fucking therapists at this particular point in time. Thanks, pandemic! Look up the things these people have written. Find them in libraries, buy the books, watch the Youtube channels. Pro tip: only three are actually a therapist.

• John Kim, the Angry Therapist
• Sarah Ban Breathnach
• Faith G. Harper
• David Burns, M.D.
• Jeffrey Marsh
• Mr. Rogers
• Hannah Hart
• Dan Pearce, author of Single Dad Laughing
• Marcus Aurelius, yes, that roman emperor
• Ryan Holiday
• Older work by Dave Barry
• Stuff by the Sweet Potato Queens
• Roger Zelazny and Stanislaw Lem; they wrote fiction. It helps?

Helpful Links

• Dan Pearce's Linktree Added 8/13/24. He's back online, and has some stories to tell. This man created a therablog that was with, not at, that anyone could read for free. Evidently he didn't get paid for it enough (to the point of homelessness, power shutoff, etc.) and burned out hard. If you can't get a therapist it would behoove you to read his work and to see what you can do to pay for it. He sells some cool stuff too nowadays. I can even wholeheartedly recommend his work if you have PTSD, it is that good. Let me give you a comparison to help you understand how weird it is that this man helped so many and got paid so little. My husband and I each have had experiences in many psychologist's offices where we got charged $250 a session to literally sit there and brain dump our traumas, the therapist said nothing back, and that was it, see you next week. Dan Pearce did the exact opposite - helped hundreds of millions of people - and got paid so little he wound up... homeless. I don't know why and it pisses me off.
• In Excess blog by Mark Griffiths, Ph.D. Not a lot of blogs or articles on Psychology Today are good, just good at sounding plausible until you realize a lot of the logic and science doesn't hold up to scrutiny. This is not like that. It's fun to read too. - added 10/27/23
• The Angry Therapist If everyone read this guy's work the world would be a far better place. Here's a good example why link out
• Kitten Witch and the Bad Vibes
• Psych2GoTv
• Superbetter
• Balancing Brain Chemistry with Peter Smith
• NHS Mental Health Articles
• The ADHD Song

These are unprecedented times with a lot of death. I wouldn't have mentioned anything because I don't like getting religious but it took me ten years to learn this as a good Witch: good people who have died really are in a better place. You don't have to believe me but you can easily pray to the Divine for your messages to reach them, and you can ask the Archangel Azrael (the Angel of Death Sacred Scribes article providing introduction; he's actually quite nice) any questions. Open your mouth, pray, and ask. Visit their graves, pour liquor for them, tell them you love them. I wish I could prove to you that they still exist but I can't. I can, however, point you to asking the Universe for some evidence of that and I know from experience it often works. If you are overwhelmed with grief never hesitate to ask the Angels, out loud, for help. It never fails. And if you would rather not do any of this (which is okay) then remember to be gentle with yourself and double up on self-care... and lots, and lots, and lots of chocolate. It helps with grief.

Panic Button If you are feeling suicidal, click the link

I am not a Marine but whenever I'm feeling like my problems are insurmountable I think about this picture. For some inspiration, read Matterhorn: A Novel of the Vietnam War. You'll also learn more about what our troops sometimes go through.

• 3/12/23 Here's some inspiration. The challenge and the duty of being human is to be extraordinary and unique. Leave the Law of Jante and Communist thinking and Fascist thinking in the past where it belongs. It is antithetical to living up to your potential as a human being. Focus on those folks that you've seen who love themselves, and who are doing their best to live as well as they can in their own way. There really is only one you, and no one else can do the job of being YOU. Isn't it interesting how so much social and societal pressures and toxicity really just amount to "oh how dare you be yourself"? Like... what exactly are we intending to do here, neg other people into conformity with a mob? Isn't it interesting how so much personal insecurity and low self-esteem amounts to times in the past where other people and internet toxicity just amounted to "oh how dare you be yourself and be even remotely different from what I/we expected?" Ridiculous. Anyway life is given as a challenge for you to live up to the potential of - being you.
• 3/15/23 Ask yourself: are you pleasing you? So much energy is often wasted on trying to get other people to understand you, like you, and so on and so forth in the everyday grind. That's a trap and realistically a waste of time because there will be lots of folks who hate you just for existing. Or for any number of other reasons, few of them rational, even fewer of them having anything to do with you personally. Everyone is unique, and everyone's life is different, and is yours working for you? If not, what can you do to change that? Can you be self-sufficient on your own in your own head? Can you make your mind a nice place for you to live? That's, after all, your habitat. Start there.
• New evidence suggests that video gaming on a regular basis can seriously help with mental health, especially depression, anxiety, and symptoms provided by being in quarantine/lockdown. Sources: Small-scale study on video games' effect on anxiety Meta-analysis concluding video games show great promise for treating poor mental health Evidence psychologists have been looking at popular video games as potential additions to therapy for children and teens link out. In fact, video game developers are missing out on creating video games specifically for cognitive behavioral therapy and other therapy methods. Final Fantasy VII and Kingdom Hearts were my generation's version of it (or as close as vidya got), and well, they weren't that effective. The Nintendo 64 controller was actually created as a distraction tool for children to help them through postoperative pain. Now ya know.
• Your feelings are valid. Your experiences are valid. If it matters to you and is your reality, give yourself permission to listen to that, to listen to yourself. The only exceptions here are related to diagnosed or diagnosable mental illness such as BPD, schizophrenia, and so on. Then you'd need a pro to help you sort it out.
• Forgiveness is not something that should ever be coerced, because some things are so unspeakably wrong, literally evil, that they morally speaking should not be forgiven. In many places, forgiving everything is touted as some kind of cure-all, but that's often because such places are full of bad people who want their victims to do the emotional labor for them, so they can commit a crime, be forgiven, and then keep doing what they were doing with no consequences. So if your therapist ever tells you something like that, along the lines of "forgiveness is for your own good," get up, and leave.
• There is a lot of unhealthy peer pressure. I hope you get to the point where you don't just think but KNOW that "I can be whatever I want. I can be whoever I want." The point where you can look at yourself in the mirror and say: "I may not like you, but I'll do right by you." The predominant social trend these days is to tear down everyone different from you, and build up those similar to you, and where has it gotten us? Why do so many not want high school to ever end? That isn't freedom. Many people still have a terror of displeasing their parents/peers/significant others and wind up avoiding everything they like as a result. The challenge, and the way to positive change, is to look those feelings and traumas in the eye, feel them, and do the uncomfortable but liked things anyway.
• The Broke Backpacker's Manifesto guide Guide to writing a personal manifesto, courtesy of the Broke Backpacker. Definitely worth a shot. This is something that is actually an ongoing project, and it takes a lot of time to get the full thing made. Count on maybe half an hour to an hour for the first page, then take a crack at the rest whenever you have the energy. This helps a TON when toxic peer pressure is threatening to eat you up and swallow you whole. This can seriously help you stick to your guns and stand tall in the face of overwhelming opposition. In tandem with How To Be You by Jeffrey Marsh, this can save a lot of lives. Highly recommended.
• Every morning when you get dressed, do so with whatever mindset works best for you. If you're up against a lot, consider it putting on your battle armor, metaphorically speaking. If you're trying to be flirty and have some fun, dress for that. Creative and expressive of your inner self? Do that. And if you're trying to be ambitious, then dress for success. My point is, set an intention for your daily outfit before you put it on and you'll gain a confidence boost every time you remember what you're wearing. It really helps carry you through the day.
• Here's one that comes from my mama: set aside 20 minutes a day to panic. It won't do shit for the first couple years you do so, but after that, you gain freedom.
• I found a bunch of mental health apps on the NHS UK website here. If you have an iPhone or an Android, check them out, most of them are free. If you don't, I'm sorry, I don't know of a good replacement on PC, but I'm still looking. There is currently a Netflix show called Headspace which is excellent for learning meditation, by the way. I hear there's an app of it too.
• To learn a bit about natural approaches to mental health problems, check out Balancing Brain Chemistry. This is cutting-edge stuff and it has far fewer side effects than most standard psychiatric medications, but I would recommend that you screen any potential supplement with a good M.D. before taking anything. If, however, your M.D. writes off things like l-tyrosine supplements as "dangerous," and thinks that sertraline is "less dangerous," get a new doctor.
• This is going to sound weird, but it is not pleasant to think with emotions instead of logical reasoning. In fact, it's as close to mental slavery as you can get. Therefore, learning science and rigorous logic is actually good for your mental health. That way, you can feel your emotions, and use them as one set of inputs which you use to make decisions, but not run your life based on Your Feelings as your only motivation. Think about it.
• A year and a half ago I'd have recommended you visit Single Dad Laughing's blog at Danoah but he took it down, so if you have the dough, you could buy the Single Dad Laughing book or other stuff written by Dan Pearce. In the meantime, you can read through his quotes, here
• Buy this book: When Panic Attacks by David Burns, M.D. Work through the exercises. It's far cheaper than therapy and dare I say, probably more effective. Get this book before you run into mental health issues because all the tools it teaches you will help you for life. Worth its weight in gold. Other books I recommend for helping with mental health include Every Body Yoga by Jessamyn Stanley, Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach, How To Be You by Jeffrey Marsh, The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday, and Un*^&! Your Brain by Faith G. Harper. That said, the one by David Burns is the best of the lot. I personally also like Romancing the Ordinary by Sarah Ban Breathnach for helping to appreciate daily life, but only recommend the first two chapters (January and February) unless you want unnecessary talk about Goddess religion and magic, which really doesn't belong in there tbh.
• I am slowly collecting more books for mental health right now. The latest find is The World According to Mr. Rogers. It's good. Two others I am currently working through are Relationship Rescue and Self Matters, both by Phillip C. McGraw, Ph.D. Yes. Dr. Phil. Turns out he actually knows what he's doing.
• If you have Simple Abundance or The Daily Stoic, a really good trick for using them is actually to team them up with a journal and use that day's meditation as a journaling prompt. With Simple Abundance in particular it can help you get your life on track. It's awesome!
• Lately I have begun using a mental health "stack" daily. I read the daily prompt from The Daily Stoic, Simple Abundance, and Romancing the Ordinary, sometimes journaling from one of these in order to sort out my thoughts, goal plan, or other stuff that helps me untangle mentally. You might try that and see if it helps.
• Playing video or handheld games of any kind can actually help a lot with mental health. This is probably partially due to improved emotional resilience, when you encounter failure repeatedly in games but learn how to get over your frustration and enjoy it anyway. Old-fashioned games like chess and cards are fine too if you like them.
• If religion or spirituality is a comfort to you, then delve into it, but be aware that it is a double-edged sword no matter which religion you're in. It can improve your mental health or it can detract from it depending on what you're doing. Introspect on it often and be sure you aren't indulging in cognitive dissonance or projecting on others. Above all hypocrisy and denial ruin lives and make good religions into destructive wrecks.
• There are several threads on Buzzfeed and Reddit asking people what the best thing they learned in therapy was. These are sometimes helpful.
• Sometimes, Buzzfeed comes through with useful stuff. Such as relationship advice from couples counselors Buzzfeed and advice for women Buzzfeed
• Consolation Tropes TRIGGER WARNING Commonly believed things that are not at all true and harmful to mental health
• Several manga are actually helpful for improving emotional resilience and understanding mental health. Here are a few that helped me and which might also help you, or at least just keep you entertained: Sailor Moon, Full Moon Wo Sagashite, Otomen, Eyeshield 21, Yu Yu Hakusho, Ouran High School Host Club, and Rurouni Kenshin - with the caveat that after #163 it is really tough to read if you have traumas so keep someone next to you if you do so.
• Some TV shows are helpful for mental health. Believe it or not, Star Trek: The Original Series is one of them. So is Steven Universe and Mr. Rogers Neighborhood.
• Beware any kind of ideology that insists you are not 'a special snowflake' and that you're really not that different from everyone else; that fundamentally we are all exactly the same inside. I grew up in a place where everyone believed that and they were miserable, bored, and most of them committed all kinds of crimes that never got reported. This kind of belief is very common in Communist or Fascist places and it is used to force the population into a herd mentality. Pros: you get social support. Cons: you completely forget that it's only you experiencing your life, always try to conform to what you think the 'normal, average person' is like (which btw doesn't exist), constantly live in terror of what your masters aka Others would think, have absolutely zero freedom, and live in a zombified state! You'll essentially lose your soul if you buy into it. If you think you might have fallen into that trap, then your first step is to formulate your own thoughts completely on your own. Daydream. Ask questions. Introspect. In particular the "Get to know yourseeeelf" exercise in How To Be You by Jeffrey Marsh is helpful here. The answers are within you and yes - you are unique, you are special. You wouldn't say a beloved dog or cat was just like another of its kind and therefore replaceable, like a gear in a machine, so you shouldn't say that crap about yourself.
• The Sweet Potato Queens series and the Uncle John's Bathroom Reader series of books will definitely keep you entertained if you need something fluffy and lighthearted. Other good recommendations include Dave Barry and Stanislaw Lem. Shitty romance novels are also absolutely great as are shitty (or lighthearted?) romance animes. Find yourself some waifus or senpais, no one cares, especially if it keeps you sane. Yes, it's perfectly alright to drool over a fictional character, I repeat: NO ONE CARES. This is your mental well being at stake, if anyone gives you shit, whatever, they don't matter. If you just have access to internet, then raid the meme hoard.
• Journal each day, even if it's a little. That being said, make sure you keep a goal in mind for each journaling session: that of improving your mental health. The classic approach to using a diary is to just write down whatever you feel, and maybe that works for some, but pay close attention to what you put in there. It should help you, whatever it is. For instance, you could write down whatever traumas you've experienced and a plan for how to overcome them. You could write down what kind of self-esteem you have, why, and your plan to improve it. You could write down what makes you happy, or goal plan in as much detail as possible to increase the likelihood your dreams come true. Don't just let yourself wallow in your feelings with that journal - make a plan for improving your mental health and improve it over time.
• A very wise person I once knew suggested going for a very long motorcycle ride to get over traumas. In my experience this helps on two levels: 1. it's a kind of meditation that requires focus and awareness 2. it involves long-distance travel. Travel is an excellent way of freeing your mind from whatever cycle it's been locked in. If you can't physically travel, travel with your mind to brand new paradigms, new ideas, new ways of thinking. Delve into topics you've always wanted to learn, and delve deep. Go so far into a new topic that you get lost in it. In losing yourself you often find yourself. In other words I'm saying you should visit the library and check out a shit ton of books.
• Meditate daily. Even if it's just for 2 minutes, the benefits stack over time. You don't have to be in any particular position, although with your back straight while sitting up in a chair, hands resting palms down on your legs, is probably the easiest way to focus. It's simple. Close your eyes, and focus on one of the following: continually telling yourself to "relax" while willing your thoughts to still themselves until there is peace and silence - repeating a word mentally to yourself such as "peace" - focusing on the sensation of breath flowing on the area beneath your nose - imagine literally any kind of environment that you like and imagine yourself there; it can be a place from your past, one you want in your future, or an imaginary place that you come up with just to mentally visit
• Make a list of things that help with your mental health; that help you cope with things in a healthy way; and stick it somewhere visible, like by taping it to the wall or something. Remind yourself to go actually DO something from the list whenever you feel mentally unwell!
• Other helpful lists to tack up on a wall: a list of life goals (I used the inside of my closet door so I'd see it every morning and evening), a detailed description of how you want your life to look in five years, a list of things you love and want to bring more of into your life, the most awesome things that could possibly happen this year and in the future. The trick here is to ignore "being realistic" and dream big, without any limits. You'll surprise yourself. I promise.
• If you have access to music, then make yourself playlists to combat bad moods and for whatever else you like. Music is really underrated for mental health. The more the better.
• Metalheads, goth lovers, and punks often use the music and the scene as a coping skill. Metalheads in particular are notorious for being extremely kind and levelheaded people unless you piss them off. Consider finding some outlet in which you can wallow in your negative emotions. These are only a few examples of the kind of stuff you can get into. Am I saying that embracing 'dark' is necessary for human mental health? Yes. Absolutely.
• Talk to yourself in the mirror. Give yourself a pep talk. Even if all you say is "I love you. You're great. You got this." Give yourself genuine compliments so you actually believe them.
• Consider this: Perhaps you can decorate your stuff and your clothes. Kids often do this and it seems to work out okay to boost their mood; perhaps it'll help you feel a little better. If it works then maybe make it a habit.
• Doing art or some kind of creative form of self-expression is extremely important for keeping an even keel. People say art is not important. They lie.
• Make a point of giving yourself gifts. Free time, your favorite hobby, a monthly frivolous spending budget, treating yourself. Get in the habit.
• If you happen to have any health issues that affect your mental state in any way, write down exactly how they do that, and if it happens on some kind of schedule, write that down too. That way you can plan ahead for reducing the impact of these things.
• Do your best to get a support team going for yourself. If you've been scared to confide in someone you trust with your life anyway, then you'd better tell them what's going on with your mind because how else can they help you? They want to help. Believe me. Fill them in and keep them in the loop, especially about any mental conditions you might have and what they can do to make it easier on you, and don't forget to return the favor. Underrated.
• Educate yourself about any mental or physical health conditions you have. If you're attempting to help someone else with these then educate yourself on their conditions too.
• If you have PTSD, check this out: PTSD section
• If you have anorexia, this might sound weird, but try watching Scooby-Doo a lot while you eat. No, this isn't medical advice, no, this isn't medically sanctioned, but I've struggled with anorexia for my whole life and this is what I do.
• If you've lost contact with people who are important to you, now is the time to fix that.
• Work your way through any self-help books you find that actually help you. The ones mentioned above are my favorites but any book can be considered a self-help book if it works for you. Carry it around if you like.
• Whenever you get the impulse to deny yourself something that wouldn't cause any harm to give yourself, make a point of NOT denying yourself that thing!
• You might want to jot down what you did each day at the end of it, what you ate, and how you felt, so that you can figure out what is helping you and what is not. This also helps if you have any unrealistic expectations of yourself, i.e. "I didn't do enough today!"
• Consider making some collections, or single item helpers, to help you. For instance, jot down a quote each day or a piece of wisdom each day that you figure out for yourself, and then later compile them into a notebook. Writing down affirmations that actually help you when you're spiraling can help you beat your demons in the heat of the moment. You can make playlists for various activities, make book collections to help you with various moods, ditto for movies and anime, comic books and manga. The key is knowing that if it works for you, it's nice to keep it and if it doesn't, fugheddaboudit. With any or all of these things, you can surround yourself with them to make it interactive: frame quotes and put them on the wall, put up pictures and posters that uplift you, even if you have a favorite color try wearing it more often. Anything goes here, just focus on what makes you happy and bring more of that into your daily life. Try to surround yourself with positive programming for your brain. It is kind of like a computer, in some ways. When you come across something that is helpful for your mental state, try decorating with it or putting reminders of it in places you can't miss.
• Read fiction. Anything you like, anything at all that expands your mind and gives you new perspectives. In my experience, some books in particular are helpful for mental health, especially when you're going through something, mainly because they help you take your mind off things. Here's a couple I like but try stuff on your own: Ender's Game, Sherlock Holmes mysteries, and What Do You Do With A Drawbridge. And here's a list of childhood favorite books Goodreads
• Be honest with yourself about how introverted or extroverted you are, and consider: no matter how extroverted, it's probably a good idea to have alone time every day where you get to goof off or be weird completely by yourself. And total isolation can drive you crazy too if you aren't into that.
• If you are concerned about all the bad stuff going on, do what you can to add to the "positivity pool," even if all you can do is one small action. Making even one person smile in Final Boss 2020 is a big deal.
• Find a form of exercise that works for you. Ideally, find one that you enjoy. There are so many different resources online and especially on Youtube for staying fit in quarantine, and exercise is super important for mental health.
• A couple resources online for learning more about mental health include Psych2Go Youtube Channel. Check them out.
• Try to have regular mentally stimulating conversations with people who challenge your mindset with intelligent arguments and ideas. Being in an echo chamber is not comforting, nor will it make you more secure in life. It's a glorified prison without any added security. Ask me how I know.
• Texting JOIN to 37352 puts you in touch with an organization that links you up to frontline workers, people in isolation, and other humans from around the world. You say which of these you are, your first name and country of origin, send out a message of support, and you get one in return.
• I'm going to make us a music with positive vibes playlist, possibly also on Spotify. It's currently smol. Will add more. Music Playlists
• If you get discouraged because you aren't seeing any improvement in your life or mindset despite working hard to improve your mental health, understand that it might not be realistic. Tracking your moods from day to day and your other symptoms of dysfunction is a better way of doing things, as is looking back through any journals, planners, or diaries to see how you were doing a few weeks to a few months ago. Memory is fallible, especially when viewed through a lens of emotion. One app and website that could help you track all this is Superbetter. It is not organized well but it is clunky and functional, and can help you approach fixing mental health (and even physical health) with something resembling accuracy. It currently has a neat Quest line for resilience in the face of the pandemic, which I highly recommend. If you use it I suggest that you do not get rid of your profile for at least a few years, because despite its clunkiness and the frustration factor, you might surprise yourself at how well you've adapted to your situation.
• Remember to do whatever the heck YOU want whenever you get the chance. No one else is living your life, you know.
• 4/28/23 Was reminded today that there's a surprisingly common problem: person has a hobby that hurts no one. They absolutely love that hobby. Other people take such heinous pleasure in ripping them to pieces over it that they stop liking that hobby and start filling the void with things they don't really care about. THIS IS A THING. If that happened to you, know 1. you aren't alone and there are plenty of people out there ready and willing and able to fight for your right to do what you love - even if it's hard to find them in your location they ARE out there 2. even if you don't feel comfortable doing the thing right away, you may be able to inch your way back into it. Baby steps. Keep at it. If you manage to do one tiny thing per year, then once per few months, then once a month, that seems to be a doable interval of forcing yourself to do the thing.
• 12/27/23 If something is hurting you but you think you have to deal with it, take a good hard look at it and ask yourself if you really have to fill your time and life with that specific thing. Nature abhors a vacuum. If something is making you unhappy, but you feel for whatever reason that it's required to deal with, try letting it go and seeing what happens. Something WILL fill the void. See about filling it with something better.
• 10/12/24 r/AsianParentStories is a strange subreddit. I would assume it covers the insane amount of pressure that Asian parents sometimes put their kids under. However, I'd like to point out that I'm a. not an insider to the culture, but with a small amount of experience and b. this is not indicative of the entire Asian community, but probably some parts of it. Please don't take this as Asian-phobia or any way to condone that shit. It isn't. I'd also say that if you were raised by parents or authority figures who pressured you to be "perfect" it's possible you could find some good advice here. Also see r/NarcissisticParents.
• 10/21/24 Check this out. Here's some priceless advice from a party hosting guide published in 1941. "But how much do you know about the inner YOU? This is the YOU that feels things. If that YOU is shy, sensitive and easily hurt, if it finds it hard to make friends with other people and has to be pushed to do so, then the answer is probably you have never taken the pains and the time to make friends with yourself. If you will do that you will find at once that other people will flock to you." - Dorothy Draper, Entertaining Is Fun! (incidentally, great book so far, I'm just starting to read it) - Can it really be that simple? Fundamentally, yes. If you went through the public school system where this was systematically punished by authority figures at every opportunity, or something similar, you will have to work harder at it but it is still achievable.
• 10/21/24 There's this brotip that goes never be too cool for the music you love. Here's another idea I can't remember if I picked up somewhere or adapted or whatever. Don't let bad people or situations ruin good things for you. The movie you used to love that an ex ruined for you, the food you were eating and enjoying when you got horrible news, etc. try the things again, mindfully and slower this time. Making a real point of un-ruining them. It's your life, it's your goodies, and life won't take those things from you too if you manage this.
• 10/23/24 You Can Do It! by Lauren Catuzzi Grandcolas is fantastic for helping you live a life you enjoy. It's not just helpful for women. You do need to emotionally process the fact the author died on 9/11 as a hero, but here's some advice from someone with an Israeli family. If you let yourself get too caught up in the emotions that terrorists intend you to have, they win. Enjoy this book. It's something special.

I'm sure you've heard the deal about "if you have a mental health problem, go see a therapist." By all means, do that. But if for whatever reason you can't see one, you might like to try out this stuff too. Also note: be very careful about who you see. I've been to a few too many therapists (actually all of the therapists I saw did exactly this) who literally let me talk for a whole hour, then when I asked them what to do about it, said "see you next week." Scams, scams, scams. That being said if good therapists do exist, and I hear they do, it's worth seeking them out. Honestly, everyone needs to see a therapist regularly and a good one, if they can find them. If not, try using all the stuff on this page. This is because mental health problems can and will cause physical health problems. The Handy Science Book of Answers claims that extreme stress significantly increases the likelihood of adverse physical health effects such as stroke and heart attack in previously healthy people - and that book came out in the 90s. I apologize for not linking the studies now, but I have heard very often in medical textbooks that extreme and long-term stress can and will fuck up your physical health and I've seen it happen to two people I know and myself in very dramatic ways. This stuff is serious enough to warrant being added to all health insurance plans and to a nationwide universal health care plan: we all need serious and continuous preventative and palliative mental health care. Period. Just look at the maniacs swarming our healthcare system right now with covid and ivermectin overdose; are they mentally well? Good Lord no.

Extreme and unmitigated stress for a long period of time can and will screw up your health. Therefore, according to best medical practices, a 60-hour maximum workweek, schedules posted 2 weeks in advance, days off on the same days for the entire duration of employment, 10-hour workday including commute (and more efficient/reliable fast commutes), a 4- or 5-day workweek, a minimum wage that matches inflation and taxes in order to match housing and food prices monthly (that's $15/hr at the dead minimum and even that's extremely low wages; see finance for an explanation as to why taxes whittle that to basically nothing) and time off for all medical necessities such as birth and recovery, father's time off for said birth and recovery, at least 1 month of vacation time, federally mandated bathroom and lunch breaks, and the right to form unions protected at the federal level is necessary for nationwide health. This isn't fucking partisan. It's medically necessary. I worked so many dead-end jobs for employers who treated me like an indentured servant and it nearly killed me. Ask me if I care about your partisan fucking beliefs. Ask ALL millenials if we care about your partisan fucking beliefs.

Tackling problems head-on is at the moment one of the only ways to beat back the assaults on our mental health. Namely, all of the laws and government policies trying to take away our rights and freedoms in the name of their fucking goddamn doublethink. Vote. It will help you at least feel you did your part and that's great for your mental health. Concrete action.

I really hope this helps. These are tough times for many right now.

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