Assorted resources, tips, and tricks from experience

Just in case you thought voting didn't matter, I have some tips to make sure your impact goes as far as it can. If you're over 18, you might not have been told this (I wasn't, at that age), but here goes: if you don't vote, you are actually part of every problem around you after that and therefore have no right to complain about it. Look around you and see what's going on with the complacent versus the people who have been fighting from the get-go. It doesn't matter if you didn't/don't know how, because you and everyone around you will still pay the price. Once you turn 18, the right to vote (which was granted only after the Vietnam war draft for 18 year olds prompted people to demand a lowering of the voting age from 21 to 18) is yours. It's a lot of work, but you can do it. It's better than the alternatives especially now - 1/6/26, edit 1/10/26

New 11/8/24

Pay attention to who is doing and saying, and not doing and saying, what. You will probably not get this opportunity again. True colors are on full display. - 12/15/24
Ok... maybe they're not entirely, but here's an idea. You could, hypothetically, look into the old propaganda and main messages of the governments of the People's Republic of China and the USSR, rephrase them to make them sound modern, and casually tuck sayings like that into conversation with anyone you feel iffy about. You could also, hypothetically, read a bunch of books, few people read a lot of books anymore, find the worst villains in those, and rephrase lines from those villains; again tucking sayings like that into casual conversation with iffy people. See how they react. If you manage to still have any faith in humanity left after this, consider how to better protect the people you care about... - 12/18/24
If you plan to move out of your parent's place when you turn 18 but don't want them to pay for college and thus give you education with strings attached, consider community college. Anything as long as it's got accreditation; do not waste your time on courses that aren't accredited by a nationally recognized and trusted organization that does the accreditation process for institutions for higher learning. Even a minimum course load of 12 credit hours usually makes you a full-time student, and it's cheaper. There will also possibly be bulletin boards, job fairs, a library, WiFi at the school, a gym, and other resources. I have not gotten much good advice from college counselors or advisors, but sometimes the teachers themselves can help. Ask around. See what sort of career interests you the most after college before you get into this, so you take the course work that's actually for such a career, and if you need to save up for a few years in some boring job to afford community college, it's not a bad idea. Putting a part-time job's worth of effort into finding and properly applying for scholarships can also really help. You'll also qualify for all the student discounts. And for those of you who have mobility issues or something like that, do consider online college or online community college. I am. Here's where someone pointed this idea out: How To Live In Your Car article on Wikihow (which by the way I do NOT recommend doing) - 12/21/24
Let's say for the purposes of this argument that Trump did win this election (and I have my doubts). Even if he didn't and it was that close, here is what you can personally do, if you're under 18, to keep you and your family as safe as possible long and short term. My "credentials," such as they are, consist of having a family that partially survived the Holocaust and partially didn't. And living in a place full of drug addicts for many years.
Write your representatives at all levels of government, except for Trump, and demand that absolutely no aid whatsoever be given to Russia or any other of our enemies. Just because POTUS makes friends with terrorists and war criminals doesn't mean he has to have support in the government to do it. Oh, and also, the number one alteration to our country's legal code that needs to happen is that no felon can ever work for the government at any level of it, not even as a city clerk. It needs to happen yesterday.
Short term and long term, do not associate with Trump supporters. Unless your family is, and you already know how to deal with them in that case. Don't make friends with them, and don't stay friends with them. Fascism always has collateral damage. 2/7/25 Edit: This is personal experience talking, but I also recommend doing the same thing with Communists and people on the far left of the political spectrum. That batch of people is every bit as selfish and fucked up in my experience, and when making friends with such people I've always regretted it in the end. Frankly, they're selfish flakes, and they're really good at pretending to be caring. It isn't as clear-cut or obvious with regards to toxicity and danger, but it's still there. I believe that just as the Trump supporters and Fascists have made it clear why that is a wrong path over the past 8 or so years, the left wing is going to make that apparent soon. Keep your eyes open, maybe I'm right. Man I hate it when I'm right sometimes.
Long term, unlike the older generations who have no spine, do not give bullies what they want, and do not cave to peer pressure. Don't give the bad guys what they want. It is just that simple. No jobs, no friendships, no relationships, no kids with you binding you together, no room in your house to stay with you. No benefits. No tolerance whatsoever. This doesn't just go for Trump supporters these days it also goes for whoever voted for him, and they aren't all Trump supporters but could be single-issue voters, and it also goes for whoever is so far left wing they yeeted their brains and their ethics. And it also goes for everyone who is morally - and definitely - in the wrong. No more patience. They will put you and yours at risk.
Have patience when making new friends to determine how moral or amoral they are, because more is at stake now than it has been. Give it a few years instead of a few months to share anything important with new acquaintances, or get involved on more than a superficial level
If you were hoping for any significant positive changes based on government changes, don't. Plan for none of that. Plan to survive and endure. Ask any trustworthy friends from the Middle East for pointers here. All of those governments are corrupt.
Stay away from drugs. Upon such time as you get old enough to be needed by older generations to take care of them, you will have to consider if it is ethical or moral to do so because they sold us out. And that's partially because they love drug highs (and of course partially because of pathological selfishness). A cult of personality, a feeling of belonging to a tribe, the feeling of being rich and powerful - all drugs. Could be that they used and abused actual drugs back in the day, especially unhealthy amounts of promiscuous sex of really dubious ethics. Are you a musician? Know any musicians? Have you heard of the 70s? If you don't know what I'm talking about, boy have you got some interesting education ahead of you.
Upon turning 18, get a driver's license, voter registration, a gun, a concealed carry license, a taser, a job, a place to live, and a good dog to train to guard you. Make plans for all of these things now, because it isn't that simple to get them and step by step processes for each are important. You will also need to study the safe rules of gun ownership, unlike certain pro-gun people. Even the NRA used to teach people that you do not leave guns in the open as opposed to in a gun safe, and you do not point the gun at anything you do not wish to destroy. Dunno if it still does. Get training with the gun at a gun range as well. Learn home security, financial literacy, scientific literacy, sociology, and psychology as well.
A bit more about guns. These are not intended to stun or to make someone harmless. They are intended to take life. Now although you may intellectually understand what killing involves, spiritually and emotionally unless you have had the misfortune of killing someone, you would not understand. If you do, and I seriously hope you do not have to do this but it is possible, you will never be innocent again. There is something in you that withers away. Be aware that ethically this is something you might have to do at some point, but it is not something you should do lightly or think is somehow free of consequences. I'm mentioning this on Veteran's Day, and I suggest you consider all of the things that soldiers have had to do, and still do, to keep you and your family safe. This is also a major reason why democracy is important. It reduces the necessity of having to kill or be killed in your everyday life. - added 11/11/24
If you want to see some changes and actually enjoy this sort of thing, you might formally learn what I didn't. Modern world history in depth, and the causes and effects of various social movements and brainwashings. The history of the USSR. Law. Formal logic. Political science. If you don't but you still want to help, you can live your life til the next election you have a chance to vote in. For some of you that could be just next year, for local and state elections. Research the heck out of the candidates before you do, using the next link I linked. Then in the beginning of 2028, follow the guidelines in Voting Etc. for voting. Provided we still have a functional democracy by then. If we don't, you will have to do what makes the most sense to you in that situation. There are extreme options you should make contingency plans for with everyone you trust. You should know that this country is not as far along the path to destruction as Nazi Germany was, so it's not likely you will need to engage in civil war, or escape the country. But you need to plan for it in any case just in case. If it becomes necessary to take such extreme measures, trust me, you will know. It won't be ambiguous.
Despite the way things are, there is still an existent legal system in this country. Of all the things you could be learning first, law might be the best bet at helping you ensure that things change the way they need to. Obviously, the whole legal code needs to be redone. Without enough public scrutiny, who knows how it could be reworked? I will be learning it and I suggest the same to you
With all the energy and time liberated from wasting said energy and time on people who don't deserve it, lavish all that on the people who do deserve it from you. Good people. Friends, family, your home life. Keep that going. It's really important
If you happen to be empathic as well, I'm fucking sorry, and also here, have this page of pointers (especially the addition from 9/16/25, you can use ctrl+f to find it with the date), and this Pinterest profile full of more pointers (it's the Imbolc stuff). Tell who you trust about it too.
12/31/24 You do not have to just sit around and passively "take this." You ever hear that saying "revenge is a dish best served cold*"? Well, consider how that could work in a legal sense. Here's some advice I should have gotten years ago. Watch, and wait, and accumulate all the evidence of all the crimes being done to you in safe places. And all the wrongs that aren't necessarily crimes, just fucked up. Just keep stashing it all away for years. Keep at it. Get to a slightly safer place later on, and assess all the things you have. Learn what you can do with it. With that evidence, you can get the justice you deserve. You can go public with what happened to you in some cases, if the legal system doesn't think it's worth the effort. You can tell your friends and family and show them proof of what happened. You can win. But it will take time and patience, and you'll need to learn how to stay silent about all that while you're waiting and working.
12/31/24 Try to stay out of jail. You can't support a family or make the country better, or (if you racked up a felony) vote in jail. This country does not need more conscientious people behind bars.
Bookmark this Don't Do It page just in case anything ever drives you so far up the wall you're contemplating ending things.
Have fun when you can and remember that this is not your fault
Develop a really dark, dare I say Israeli, sense of humor. Everything can be laughed at, especially the most fucked up stuff. Having such a sense of humor is not the same as actually being fucked up
One more thing: learn to discern the difference between what you can change and what you can't, and to do your best to just focus on what you can change. I've seen people abuse this principle as an excuse to not take personal responsibility for anything, but I know y'all aren't that stupid. By default, and especially as you get older, your home environment is changeable by you. Your mind's overall state is also changeable by you, though that takes a surprising amount of hard work. In particular being able to logically reason through a problem instead of panic is a huge asset in life. There are other areas that you can change now, and that will be more and more changeable by you as you get older. You can do this.

*An explanation of "revenge is a dish best served cold" - it's easy to intellectually understand this principle but not emotionally. So it can help to think of it like this to grow patience. Think back on all the times in your past that you desperately wanted or needed something to happen for you. You needed someone to come through for you in your hour of need. You needed your ship to come in. You wanted a miracle or a serious boon. You wanted to be with your current boyfriend or girlfriend (or other-gender equivalent). You needed a medical procedure to save your life. You needed to get to the airport terminal on time to go see your family member who was dying. All the instances like that you can think of, and including all the times when someone's life, emotional well-being, or sanity were at stake. Think of what happened. Now think of what would happen if even one of the fortunes you had go right for you did not work. You can do a lot to ruin a person's life. It's quite easy, as a matter of fact. Just see all the ways that assholes are doing exactly that right now to innocent people. A human life is a fragile thing, as is a human mind and a human heart. This is powerful information. So all I ask is if you take revenge, be certain it is right. There's no Rule of Three for mundane actions, but there is cause and effect, and any harm done to the innocent is not going to go unnoticed by every living thing. There's always at least a slight whiff of culpability.

Some More Advice In 2025 Regarding The Shit Show That Is Government (optional reading but if you want to...) - section created 1/3/25

This was originally intended for an adult audience but then I asked myself why and could find no good answers so here you go.
As that traitor to the United States closes in on the White House, and I honestly don't believe he actually belongs there since I don't personally stay in touch with and therefore know (anymore, lol) anyone who voted for him (really, I don't), I had this realization. America and the United States is not its current mess. It's not far right wing Fascists, and it's not far left-wing Communists. It's not Trump, it's not his supporters, and it's not racists or other -ists. It is an idea. Specifically an idea that every human has basic human rights, virtue is worth pursuing, happiness is important, and freedom and virtue is worth living and dying for. You can tell who doesn't agree with that philosophy by how they live their lives, not what flag they "proudly" fly (and mostly violate flag etiquette with, by the way, consider who died for that flag and how that's a slap to their faces). You can shut the rest of the world, and that includes whatever nonsense is supposedly "American" now (yeah, right) out and make YOUR house American territory. Display that flag proudly on your wall. Tell the idiots to stay the hell out with the unspoken message of a strong and locked door and video camera. Get an unabridged full copy of the U.S. Constitution with all of its Amendments and put it right there in your living room. Learn the thing by heart. Find the founding documents of this country, and read them. Learn this place's real and true history. Figure out what America means to you from the ground up and build it on your home turf, even if that home turf is just within your mind. That's where it rightfully belongs anyhow, and if we ever go to space as a species it's all each of us will always have of the U.S. anyway. Think about it.
Here's another piece of American philosophy: the audacious idea that a human being can be more than their circumstances and what life has made them. More than just a reflexive reaction to circumstances, and more than a mindless robot. A human can have free will and use that free will to become the best version of themselves and live up to their individual, true potential as spiritual beings, not just shambling bodies, zombie husks enslaved to the genetic disposition of ill-temper of the human species. That's all-American. We have a long tradition of belief in that. To further understanding of that idea, we have libraries and we have fiction books, and we have movies, and we have legends, folklore, and myth. Comic books, and games, and classic toys and non-screen activities. All kinds of things from before about 2004, when book and media quality went straight to the shitter for some reason. All of these things are a major reason why libraries uphold our democracy. Watch as people try to get rid of it. Watch and learn.
We also used to have some of the best higher education in the world that was fairly priced. Now that that's seriously having some issues, consider continuing personal education in every field that interests you. As I said in Big Brain Time, if you spent a while in the U.S. public education system and said to yourself, "this is ridiculous, school should be teaching me xyz subjects and not this worthless crap," and/or said to yourself "school needs to teach students xyz" you know what you can look for and study then. Libraries will help. Instructables, Pinterest, and all the resources I stuffed into Big Brain Time will help. The Internet's filling in gaps where higher education has failed here. You can exploit that as much as you want.
1/15/25 Check out the Science section and see if that gets you fired up to learn Science. Why? Well, I know of literally no other subject that can liberate you from superstition, blind fear, and living in a bad situation quite so well. That saying about how education is the golden key that unlocks the door to freedom applies at least double to learning Science. I've seen it.
1/15/25 You know that quote from Gandalf? "Some believe it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found. It is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay. Small acts of kindness and love." Have you ever seen it in practice? Because I have. In fact, I've seen it save the lives of the otherwise suicidal and I've seen what happens when it's withheld from people for so long it twists them and makes them completely lose it. I think this charade of an inauguration on January 20, ironically on MLK Day, is going to make a lot of good people feel completely helpless. That's an illusion. Bear in mind that this is the same fight people fought in World War II and in countless other times and places. It is no less than good versus evil. You know where you stand, and you aren't alone. Do what you can to fight in a correct way without harming the innocent. That's all you can do and it's more powerful than you think. In the end everyone will pay for what they bought.
1/19/25 If you look at human history, it's filled with villains. Truly evil people who committed atrocities, hurt the innocent, destroyed the environment, burned, looted, pillaged, spread plagues, and worse. In some instances just as bad as these days and in most instances far, far worse. The only real constant across all that time is how relevant the villains wanted to be. The constant "LOOK AT ME!" and trying desperately to be unique, to get attention and get noticed. But it's not new; it's survival of the fittest and every amoeba's done it. That kind of life isn't the glorious thing these assholes pretend it is. And every bit as much of a constant throughout human history has been the decent people just going about their day-to-day business giving that nonsense the side-eye like "yup, that's there," trying to keep their families safe. The things and the people that make life worth living are on the good side. Everyone else is trying something they think is new in an attempt to find happiness the wrong way. They aren't relevant. Their faces blur and they will be forgotten. I think they know this and always have, which is why they've always been so damn loud. Which is why it's important to stay anchored to who and what's really important to you and really valuable - loved ones, goals, your personal values. Hold on to what matters.
1/26/25 This country was going to get chemo'd from all the poisons making it a bad place one way or another. But if you really think about it, there's a good chance that if Harris was in office now (as she actually got elected to be in - and yes I do believe this now, but I cannot show you the evidence only implore you find it... yep, I have to be a hypocrite here and tell you to do your own research because of... some good reasons), the country would not be getting its chemo to reach as deep or as broad as it can now. Four years is an opportunity. It is a long time, but it's nothing compared to all the time this country has had for its problems to grow underground and fester. You can use this. 2/20/25 This isn't exactly my viewpoint, but I recently heard this idea and it's worth considering. Given that minimizing death of innocents in crossfire and collateral damage is top priority, it might not be wise to get rid of all the corruption in this country at once. It may be better to focus on getting rid of Trump and his flunkies and focusing on that first, then worrying about everything else. Or we could have him (and them) around for instead of say, two years at the estimated current pace of our legal and justice and government system trying to get rid of this dictator, the whole four years. Extra stuff can clog the system. As I mentioned, it's not just him who is the problem, it's him, the people who work for him, his supporters, and the people doing nothing about it. And that could mean more innocents die. So I leave it up to your consideration, and suggest you remember that saying from The Boondocks. "What do you do when you can't do nothing?" "You do what you can."
2/12/25 If you're paying attention to the news at all, and I hope you're doing what's best for you on that front whether it's paying lots of attention or minimal attention, you will be seeing a bunch of grown-ass adults freaking out about how bad things have gotten. Watch and learn what happens to complacent people when they reap the fruits of their nonexistent efforts. Not every adult is that complacent, and hey, me and everyone I am in touch with? We got a clean conscience. We're doing okay. We did all we could to do the right thing and got plans for whatever goes down. If you happen to be freaking out because you feel alone, wrong: you have allies. Lots of silent and waiting ones.
3/26/25 So apparently a significant chunk of Trump voters were illegal immigrants. Now the cheeto is trying to reward them by making it illegal to vote without proof of citizenship. Ok good. Only policy of that creature's I'm ok with. I believe it needs to be made after-the-fact illegal for these votes to be valid (they shouldn't even be valid as it is, wtf, this legal loophole is some bullshit) and for them all to get thrown out, to then re-count the vote, and also for that son of a bitch to be in prison, not the oval office. And if that isn't granted, I'm all for whatever it takes to force it to happen, without harming the innocent of course. Two things here. Apparently the "right to anonymity of voting" is helping to prevent this from happening due to fears of voter suppression. You know what? I'm all for getting rid of that. I'm pro-privacy rights and all, sure, but if it leads to situations like this then let's get rid of it permanently. And as for illegal immigrants, their kids born here, and their employers, I believe the ones with the most culpability are their employers. They need to be held the most accountable and get life in prison for what they've done. As for the kids born here, they should know better. The illegal immigrants themselves, also should have known better. Whether or not this is due to lack of education, pure ignorance, willful ignorance, or total stupidity, it's a betrayal regardless of the country sheltering these folks. U.S. hosts people who need a home - reward? Get rid of democracy? Gee, thanks guys. A lot of these folks are extremely hardworking, and generally honorable, but lack of education did a number on the whole batch. Given a lot of illegal immigrants are Hispanic and in many places in the US the Hispanic community is really tight-knit, I believe the community itself knows how to solve these problems but heartily suggest an emphasis on self-study and continual adult learning for well, this group, and everyone else too. High school and GEDs are not enough no matter what community you're from. As proven by the pandemic - stupidity doesn't belong to just one group of people. Oh and for the record the Democrat party for a while was all for legal nearly instant (no long, involved process to get educated about how the government works and what American citizenship involves and get informed about American culture/issues via legal work sponsorship; just hop the fence, pop some kids, and you're done) citizenship (with all the rights and privileges thereof including voting rights) for large chunks of this same group of people. See what I mean by the far left being essentially a crunchier version of the far right? Also, I think the two party system is a nonfunctional joke that's killing this country just as much as Trump is. With the Internet being available to most now, the whole system can change in many ways, particularly with regards to publicity of new candidates and transparency about exactly who gets funding from where and how much.
Here's a piece of information I haven't revealed because of my personal disgust at it, but here goes. The only good policy (*hack* *cough*) that Our Lord and Savior God Emperor Trump had when he was in office the first time, and I actually had to search through the White House briefings on the whitehouse.gov website to find this information btw (years ago) was to propose expansion of merit-based immigration. Congress, which at the time was majority Democrat, shut it down and it didn't go through. Guess what would have prevented quite as much illegal immigration, that the Democrats have been bitching about for years and years? That. That would have. This and a smattering of other stupid policies, including and especially doubling down on "ABORT ALL THE FETUSES EVER" as being supposedly the only way "pro choice" is supposed to happen, are pretty good reasons why the Democrat party and its super hardcore far-left adherents suck just as much as the far right. - 5/9/25
Here is a recommendation for this modern era: the Great Unplug. Stop using Facebook. Get your friends and family to. Stop using anything that shoves thinly disguised or blatant brainwashing (usually conspiracy theories, misinformation, or political propaganda) in your face. Stop using TikTok. Stop associating with toxic groups of people - togetherness is a way to "plug in" and a drug too in many cases. Use less cell phone, less internet, less computer, less screen. Get your friends and family to. It's the fucking Matrix, and it's always a game of cat and mouse to determine how smart the mouse (us, the consumers) versus how smart the cat (brainwashers such as Facebook, Fox News, TikTok, political propaganda on certain websites, greedy unscrupulous corporations etc.). Head games. Fundamentally, it's still cat and mouse, and no one is completely immune to being brainwashed. Everyone's got their breaking point. You want things to change? Then cut people off from these drip feeds of their chosen drugs. Expect withdrawal. - 5/4/25
6/8/25 US Constitution You should copypaste this and the Bill of Rights if you can. Just in case Taco Mussolini decides to take all government servers offline or carefully revise history. U.S. Constitution Copypasted is my version of this.
6/8/25 US Bill of Rights Click the link at the bottom for the other Amendments, which are every bit as important.
New 7/26/22 We Choose To Go To The Moon Speech by JFK (images 7 through 10), explaining why we went to the moon in the first place. Guess who took down the full transcript of the speech as well as the video? NASA. Look at the link address and look where it redirects you. Thanks a lot, NASA.
New 6/8/25 President Franklin D. Roosevelt's Four Rights Speech Given at the height of WWII, it contains Democrat policies that are (actually) Communist portrayed as patriotism. But it also contains four crucial ideals about human rights and freedoms and the whole thing is a very interesting read that is just as relevant now as when it was published in the era of WWII. Read the last couple paragraphs if you read nothing else. If you use ctrl+c and then ctrl+shift+v to paste it into a word processing computer file, select "unformatted text" and hit enter, you can then save the whole transcript as a file. Which is important to do before Taco Mussolini decides to try to wipe the entire government archives, which is, alas, possible.
New 6/8/25 JFK's Four Consumer Rights Speech Here is another interesting speech. I've been mulling it over for a while and it is certainly worth the read. In these lines you can see support for many government programs that no doubt people take for granted and don't know how bad things could get without them. For instance, the FDA. Did you know milk used to spread tuberculosis? I of course think JFK goes too far with big government (hey, I was Republican before *gestures broadly*) but it's still interesting.
New 6/15/25 Right now I'm seeing and hearing a lot of people attending protests, being less complacent, and generally starting to actually do things to fix all that has gotten screwed up. But how I feel about that is "Hey that's nice, where were you this whole time?" A pandemic later after antimaskers, antivaxxers, conspiracy theorists and political extremists were putting all kinds of immunocompromised people and children and the elderly at risk, when most of the U.S. kinda went "just let them have their way, it's cool, whatever." Plus this whole Russia situation, and oh yeah, a literally stolen election. But the protests didn't get big until a certain something happened: Trump affected people's money. The protests got big after the tariffs started messing with the stock market. Nope, the lives of the innocent weren't as important. Now that it has personally affected people, they're showing up, but where were the people who were fighting this from the beginning? People like me? How are we gonna find out who those were and are? Because as much as everyone's liking to dunk on conservatives for only caring "when it starts to affect them personally," I'm not seeing any real difference in most people. I've also noticed that although it's not bad to care about what happens to you, I've seen super selfish, wildly self-absorbed and narcissistic people, and generally they were miserable. There is a fine balance and in this instance there was no balance at all. You know, I really hope everyone reading this is seeing this.
New 6/21/25 What to do with the large population in the U.S. who either are enablers of truly evil people or very complacent? Such as people who didn't vote at all but could have, people with terrorist friends or family, people who still give lots of support to racist relatives, people who did absolutely nothing to fix the political situation but bitching and moaning, and so on? Well for starters, as much as possible, don't help them. Now or ever. Don't enable enablers. Have as little to do with them as possible. You do not need dead weight clogging up your life anyhow, pretending to contribute while just sitting around waiting for someone (hey, probably you) to "oh no, do something." In order for that to happen you gotta know who these people are ASAP, because in the future (if the Holocaust was any indication of post-Nazi behavior) they'll do their absolute darnedest to pretend their behavior was perfect. So pay attention. And depending on what they did, you may want and need to make their atrocious behavior more public and tell people what they did so they don't wind up say, marrying your sister.
So I wasn't aware of this until now but in my quest to find American made products and post them here I came across this article on Dr. Bronner's blog. We Say No To Ethnic Cleansing In Gaza. I actually wasn't aware that Trump went ahead and truly became a second Hitler. I am now, and now you're aware, now please spread the word. - 6/22/25. New addition 6/23/25: There have been murders of Palestinian children on American soil by MAGAts. If you are part of any religious congregation you might consider talking to the leader/s of it to post a message about how the sanctuary is open to Palestinian people. Especially if it's a Jewish congregation because of the whole "never again" thing. Or a Wiccan or Neopagan one because of the whole "never again the Burning Times" thing. If you are friends with anyone Palestinian you might want to check on them and offer any support you can. My message to the Israelis about this is here - FYI most of Israel lost family members in the Holocaust.
For years I've been disliking Communism but couldn't put into words exactly why, in a short way. Well, here's why. People who want Communism want slaves. That's all there is to it. Think about it, "From each, according to their ability. To each, according to their needs." Works fine if you are doing it all yourself, or paying someone a fair wage and ensuring that person has rights under the law as a person who works. Fair compensation and all that. It is impossible, unless you're God, to know what another person's needs (and true desires, which relate to free will and freedom, which a human being needs in order to keep their spirit alive, therefore needs, and yes this is the hill I'm willing to die on) are, and to know what their abilities are. Capitalism is far from perfect but at least it doesn't involve putting humans in charge of other humans like that, dictating to someone else what their "abilities" are and what their "needs" are. In other words, Tara from Gone With The Wind is certainly as Communist as it can get. From each (the slaves) according to their supposed abilities. To each (the idiots in Gone With The Wind), according to their needs. They apparently needed a soap opera. Or let's say you have a sexist family. From each (Mom) according to their "abilities." (take care of all the survival needs of everyone in the house). To each (slacker husband and children) according to their "needs." Ma, give me a sandwich and get back in the kitchen! - 7/1/25
Of all the Star Trek captains, I like Captain Sissko the best for one reason: as far as I can tell, the likelihood you will survive on Deep Space Nine or in the surrounding areas is much higher than that of the other captains. And metrics for judging the capability of a leader can be numerical in some cases. In the number one most important case, survivability of people you lead. The survival rate and average lifespan. How's that for being pro-life? Other numerical metrics include statistics of how many people among a population are too ill to work, how many people among a population show signs of malnutrition at the doctor's office, and how many people among a population are fully vaccinated for all common diseases. Stuff like that. - 7/1/25
Considering that Democrats and Republicans alike are screwing us over in the Senate and Congress, and considering most of them got into those places by a. likely voter fraud due to the voting machines being tampered with and b. people blindly voting for their party's most favored candidate just because they had the right color (red or blue) and letter (R or D) by their name, here's an idea. There are remedies for social ills. For stupidity and blind ignorance, there's education. For evil, there's a stricter, faster, more effective justice system. But for complacency, how do you get people to care? Frankly if they don't care, the education and the justice system and government solutions won't really "take" anyway, so that's a huge problem. I'm not sure about fixing that whole issue but I know a couple things for sure. Many of society's problems originate in shitty parenting. That can be fixed by studying parenting books and therapy books regardless of if you intend to become a parent yourself, in order to effectively reparent yourself (I recommend Buy Yourself The F#!&ng Lilies by Tara Schuster for starters). Many more societal problems originate in shitty relationships of all sorts and I hope to find good resources to fix that, because it's complicated, friendships are harder than they look, sibling relationships and community relationships and all relationships are harder than they look, romances and marriages are harder than they look. Even a good relationship with yourself is harder than it looks. There's also the issue of drugs. "Bread and circus" was the cry of the plebeians in Ancient Rome. Religion, hatred, internet, finding scapegoats and screen entertainments are the modern version. Alongside of course things like meth, alcohol, sugar, overeating, excessive sex etc. As for making others care about something important to everybody, it's important to understand evil people do the same basic tactics but to brainwash them, so not caring about the lecture is part of a self-preservation instinct. Religious parents force their children to become that religion, again due to trying to force them to care about something, and the children often leave that religion when they get older except in countries where that religion is your whole identity (and also you'll get killed for not following it). Prison logic forces you to pick a clique or get shanked, even if you're in there for some minor crime (pick the Bloods, Crips, Nazis, or whoever before you, the new fish, get ganked by someone who doesn't like you on sight) and then as you force yourself to conform to that clique you will inevitably get high on your own supply and start actually believing the clique's dumb ideology (look, it's like high school). A better way could be to lead by example, by doing the right thing yourself but in public even if you are normally a shy person. Or to have a two- or multiple-way conversation that is intelligent and reasonable based on mutual trust and respect - not exactly easy in today's world but still very doable, and best yet these conversations could lead to mutual projects to work on causing good change. As for the other reasons why anyone should care about another human being, in the abstract (as in, for other people's lives, not for my own, because I do care about a lot of people) beyond the unavoidable logic of intelligent self-interest (I scratch your back you scratch mine, instincts of humans are to herd together for mutual help, also this is a relatively small planet with limited resources we're on ain't it) they do exist but aren't well known. And the unexplainable things like all the different words for love. There's also the virtue and ethics aspect, because as you've probably learned in life, without virtue and ethics as the foundation of your very being, everything else goes straight downhill, and caring about others is a major part of that - plus if you want a good quality of life, you need to study what virtue and ethics even are (if you don't, how will you ever know?! Religion? Obviously not. It can really help but not on its own). How can you possibly do the right thing if you don't even know what that is? People once thought it was virtuous to marry twelve-year-olds for the sake of tradition and religion in the Dark Ages. They also once thought it was virtuous to marry their own siblings to carry on the bloodline for their royal family, and any number of other "interesting" ideas from history. I don't know more ways to convince anyone to care about others and care about well, anything, but I very much suspect those reasons are in fiction books. For all these societal ills specifically for the United States my husband says it's not something one person can do alone and it will take several generations and a lot of us. - 7/3/25
My husband often likens the United States to a sleeping giant. Good at being vigilant and taking out threats outside our borders, but sluggish and sleepy within. This is a major part of what we are going to have to fix, and a major part of what will take several generations and a lot of us. Because constant vigilance for problems within the United States is just as important as staying protected from external threats. That isn't an easy thing. - 7/25/25
If you feel your own feelings and think your own thoughts, that is, if you are either not psychically empathic or psychically empathic and have gotten it under control (see: Empathy), and you are mentally stable enough for this, then you have a choice. You see all the evil going on. You can be an alternative to that. You can do your best to be the antidote. In fact that's a pretty good way to cope with being surrounded by that kind of bullshit, given you can't control others but you certainly can control yourself. - 9/24/25
Were you aware that the whole "true colors are on full display" thing also works to find people who have been fighting this tooth and nail from the get-go? Keep your eyes open, be patient, and be diligent in looking for details without letting on about what you're doing. The world's full of assholes, and they're the loudest, but it's also often true that really quiet people have been doing a lot behind the scenes for good. - 12/29/25

All advice from older people to younger people

David Bowie's song Changes frames the discussion perfectly. I have no idea what you are going through and neither does anybody else, young or old. Those who are roughly your age will probably have a slightly better idea, but they're not you. People will try to tell you this that and the other, some with good intentions, some not so good, some straight up evil. They're only human, I'm only human, none of us are you. Whatever happens, think for yourself and don't buy into whatever gaslighting is the usual bullshit today. Don't gaslight yourself. Believe in your own experiences, your vision, and yourself. Because only you can really do that properly for yourself
As you can see, older generations aren't that great at behaving like they're full-grown adults. It's not often known though, that full-grown adult doesn't mean you have carte blanche to stop growing, changing, getting wiser, growing up so to speak. You never stop growing up. You don't just hit 18 or 21 and there you go, that's it, you don't need to apply effort to yourself or your life anymore. People often hit that age and then instead of leaning into the chaos and going like "I don't know what's going on, but I'm going to try my best to live life in a way that is right for me" they often go like "I now know everything and am too afraid to figure out anything else." That's, in my opinion, a mistake. If you're still living, you're not going to get any easy answers. Forge on ahead anyway. That's my take on things.
When young, people usually don't know how to cover up their real reactions and emotions, and often wear their hearts on their sleeves. As you get older you learn to wear different masks as the situation requires, which can make it easier for unscrupulous older people to manipulate younger ones. But unless you really screw up, human hearts stay fragile for life. In fact, the older you get the more likely it becomes that you have accumulated grief, and grief usually doesn't go away. For some it helps them develop wisdom, and for others, they don't cope well, have it distort their worldview, and take it out on younger folks. In other words, a lot of what people, especially older ones, do to younger ones has less to do with you individually and more to do with them.
3/11/23 Don't take life advice from anyone who talks down to you for being younger because you "have less life experience" blah blahblah. I'm pushing 30 now, and I know their dirty little secret. Chances are extremely good that a. they have no self esteem, b. they have a chip on their shoulder cause life for them turned out to not be what they hoped, c. they know this country has a tradition of forcing younguns to respect their elders and think this makes it justified to take full advantage of that situation and d. the only way they can feel successful and good about themselves is to pretend that mere age = success. That's uh, an immature mindset, and if someone hasn't grown out of that, they probably are not the person to ask for specific and helpful advice.
If you ever get tired of older generations whining about how they can't understand slang and text messages like "OMG" and "WTF LOL" no problem! You ever hear of secretary's shorthand or journalistic shorthand? Ah, the good old days. - 6/8/25
Chances are good you've heard older generations blabbering about how the library is such a good thing, education's great, etc. well the problem with that is you tend not to understand how important these things are unless you have lived through consequences of knowing or not knowing them. And then depending on the person that person's analysis of those learning materials might not be worth pondering. Take me for instance. Star Trek: TOS, TNG and DS9 saved my life. The Star Diaries by Stanislaw Lem helped me stay sane during the pandemic and provided therapy as did Sarah Ban Breathnach's books, and I credit C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien and Ayn Rand (who was proto-Feminist but certainly not great for self-esteem if you're a young genderfluid person, ask me how I know, also unlike today's Fascist fanboys I actually read the whole text of both The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged, and so should you) for helping me form a lot of my ethical code. These helped me in my life so much that I would probably be in prison or dead without having read them or watched them. But I'm just one person and what I lived might not be relevant to you. So here's a suggestion: find someone old who you greatly respect and care about and ask for book recommendations from them. TV shows also, movies, educational topics to learn, even colleges. Whatever can teach you. Give them a try. You might just sidestep some of the potholes of life. Or, and here's a scary thought, divert the stream of your life away from a disastrous course early on. - 8/7/25

New 5/21/24 Older Generation Stuff

Well, looks like you guys are even weirder than us Millenials. Awesome! If you ever want to get along with Millenials and accumulate say, an older sibling age person or two, just remember we were forced into conformity at a fairly young age. We aren't that way but if you give us a safe space to be as weird as we really are, I promise you most of us will not disappoint. Gen X also is just as weird but they dealt with Boomers and other bullshit for way longer, and got it worse than us, so you'd have to know them for a good ten years before you see that side of them. It's there. By the way regarding Boomers, the really weird ones don't bother to try to hide it and aren't really Boomer Boomers.
5/2/25 Today I was watching some Beavis and Butthead from the earlier seasons and then the truth hit me. Beavis and Butthead are actually smarter than the far left wing, conspiracy nuts, MAGAts, complacent people, and most people spouting various viewpoints on the Internet. Possibly smarter than all of them combined. They use original thinking, can grasp basic reasoning skills, and see when someone is feeding them a line of bullshit. Why? Why are these idiots smarter than the people I mentioned? I don't know. I want you to see for yourself. If you don't believe me go watch it.
10/26/25 This is wild... when I was younger, me and my classmates would laugh and laugh at the people claiming extra respect and privilege because of "I'm older! I'm so much cooler and better than you!" Now I'm seeing Millenials doing it. You know the secret? The people doing this have nothing else to brag about. I have no idea what led them to this point, but it could be that they found out the hard way that being gossipy and catty to leap to the top of the social food chain in high school and college no longer works in adult life, therefore they feel the need to impress others, especially whoever's most seemingly gullible - you. The younger generations. I sincerely hope a smaller percentage of Gen Z and Gen Alpha and the subsequent generations pull this crap than the previous batches of human the universe baked up.

New 1/19/24 Tech Stuff

You all have a lot more electronics in your lives than Millenials and even some older Zillenials did when kids/teens. Although you have many benefits from this, please don't forget how much you are missing out on by being in front of the screens. Unless you have seriously limited mobility like me, consider finding IRL hobbies, pastimes, and pursuits to enjoy yourself with. Bluntly, if I had kids by now, I wouldn't allow them iphones, iPads, or TikTok. Certainly not freaking TikTok - ban on that in my house. You probably know why. However, you probably know the benefits of it too, so with this and every other piece of technology, I suggest weighing the benefits and drawbacks over time and seeing if it's really worth it to engage with anything. A piece of paper with a pro/con table has served me very well in the past, multiple times.

New 4/27/23 the Auburn University Information Hotline

Apparently this is legitimate: if you have any question at all which isn't personal, you can call this hotline and they'll try to answer to the best of their ability. To call the James E. Foy information desk at Auburn University, the number is 1- (344) 844-4244. And now to cite my sources: r/TodayILearned thread, a hapless worker of that hotline, kekbfm Colorado radio station, Auburn University official Foy Information Desk website. No, I haven't tried this myself.

New 3/14/23 Religious parents, and 9/10/24 Religion

Dealing with religious parents is kind of a trip. Honest, they run the gamut, from those who genuinely want the best for you to those who only want what's best for them, and those who are dealing with so many personal issues that it gets confusing dealing with them at all. In all circumstances, believe it or not your best bet at dealing with this kind of stuff is probably to learn the religion inside and out so that you can understand what they're trying to badger you about and if it's even backed up with the sacred text or whatever else makes up the DNA of the religion (it uh. Usually isn't.) For those of you who are dealing with parents who don't really care despite pretending to, and are using religion as a front for that truth - I am sorry. I am really sorry. And wish there was more I could do to help. But for a lot of you there's a pretty good chance that your folks have seen some of the tougher realities of adult life and want to shield you from it, perhaps using religion. To them, they might see it as a way to keep your life safer, better, more wholesome. But judging from the news I've been reading lately, and what I've seen in life, there seem to be two basic variants of any religion: toxic, and nontoxic. If you guys are going to do the family religion stuff, it might be worthwhile for you and your folks to discuss the potential toxicity and dangers inherent in the people in that religion, in the interpretation and practices of that religion, and in your particular congregation. And every religion has those potential issues. Within a given town, it might be safer, better, to choose a different and less toxic place of worship, for instance. Religion itself is usually not the primary problem. It attracts sociopaths. That's the major problem. The secondary problem is usually complacency, when people in a religion never question it and just assume it's perfect and perfectly understood as is, which is literally impossible given that human beings are not omniscient nor capable of fully understanding the answers to the big questions. Thus problems fester and eventually grow out of proportion because they were never properly dealt with in the first place. It does not have to be that way within your family.
Some younger folks seem to want to get into other religions, and that's your choice. I would however recommend that if you decide to get into Paganism with the Norse Gods, it's often mixed in with white supremacists and racists, and the reason this is bad (besides societal disproval) is that it's hazardous to your health from the Norse Deities Themselves. Look, if we're talking about a religion that has Deities who are so just and so focused on self-determination and doing your absolute best as a person and in life, and the least ethical of Them, Loki, is still extremely bent on honorable behavior to the point of insisting on that among all modern devotees... and we're talking about a Deity here who betrayed all the other Norse Deities, had "adventures" with various creatures, is chaos incarnate (literally, and that's - if you believe in Norse Paganism - a major reason why we have say, weather that changes and any change at all), in Norse lore destroys the universe by turning evil because He goes crazy by Ragnarok, and developed a sort of infamy that will probably never go away for good reason, you really think that all the others are somehow more tolerant of an evil doctrine like racism? I'm just gonna say it, you probably already know the answer conscience-wise as to if Asatru and Norse religion actually is mixed in with racism, but if you don't believe me or your conscience ask the Norse Deities Themselves.

How to get justice?

For the fact that the US justice system and most justice systems worldwide are crap I apologize. I've been trying to figure out how to make real justice, and not just a mockery of it, happen for years now and it's not as simple as it looks. But I do know this: you don't have a snowball's chance in hell of getting revenge, the piss-poor substitute for justice, let alone justice itself, if you do not get the best education that you possibly can. I know a lot of you might be going through some crap times right now and I wish there was more I could do to help. But you have an asset: time. Sink some effort into improving your skills and getting a well-rounded, thorough education every year, and CRUSH YOUR ENEMIES later. Or, just live better. Your choice. But it's a good idea to give yourself the opportunity to make that choice.
The old saying that you can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs has an implication. Don't make a mess if you don't know how to make an omelette. Don't start a fight you can't finish, don't fight half a war, and above all don't go in all half-cocked without understanding exactly what you're getting into, why, and with all the details you can get. Finish what you start, and you had best be certain that you will not harm the innocent or succumb to some "end justifies the means" crap making you go about this in an unethical way or you will pay more than you are willing to pay for. I'm sure you can see negative examples all around you of all kinds convinced they are doing what's right and good, but these nimrods will have you thinking up is down, evil is good, and sugar is salt, you know? Trust your own judgment and keep a cool head, but keep an open mind above all. Nothing is ever as simple as it seems.
Education is just as important as good mental health and attempting to understand ethics here. This way you avoid screwing up. As much.
The film 12 Angry Men is worth watching, as is Law and Order and Legal Eagle. At least this way you can see how justice is supposed to be done in this country
3/21/23 adding this because very few folks these days are mentioning it: hate is not a good thing. It's human nature, and in some cases it's your right to feel hate, but that doesn't make it a helpful or a productive emotion. You can see this for yourself if you ever visit Jerusalem, an endless hate-fest if there ever was one. A lot of people and organizations these days are making an effort to make younger generations and even their own kids perpetuate a cycle of hatred, and frankly, that's not a radical new and great idea, it's the oldest tradition in humankind and a destruction of civilization and all that makes human beings humane - nothing will crush dreams faster, not only of the hater but everyone around them. A lot of older generations are suffering right now, but instead of allowing younger generations to be free from hate and free to pursue their own dreams they are insisting the younger ones take up the sword and fight a battle that is not their own. Younger generations have less life experience, so are easier to influence by old, bitter, jaded people. That's you right now (younger generations) and I don't want you to be cannon fodder. You aren't expendable. If any given doctrine boils down to "hatred is good," run. Just run.

Where to get information

For any given topic, the library is generally more reliable as a good source of info than the internet. Use the library catalog first online, using search terms that you think can yield good fruit, learn to work with the filters to focus on what you are looking for, and make a list. If you have a library card you can often make wishlists on the library website, but make certain these are private instead of publicly viewable.
Use the search engine of your choice, such as Ecosia.org or duckduckgo.com, and use a search term like "_ reddit" plus search for that in Wikipedia. You can often find more this way than by just using a search engine for the term alone.
Some sources I use to keep on top of current technological and scientific research and trends (because I invest in stocks and like to know what the heck I'm investing in) include PubMed Central, Science Daily, Good News Network, VegNews, Interesting Engineering, r/futurology, r/upliftingnews, NASA, and the Arbor Day blog. Sometimes even Buzzfeed delivers, particularly for topics related to reproduction and reproductive health. Buzzfeed, however, is hard to navigate because you can't find the good (informative, helpful, non-gossipy) stuff from their main page, you have to click on a good article, read it and then open other articles linked at the bottom of said article in new tabs, bookmark 'em, and come back to them that way. I'm sure there's more out there, but it's tough to find in the sea of monopoly-controlled mass media and social media websites
Speaking of bookmarks, it's very much worth your while to organize your browser's bookmarks into folders named as their topics so you don't spend like half an hour trying to find that one thing
For heaven's sake think things through yourself, on your own. More times you'll get in trouble going along with a crowd or even just one other person than by being alone. That's been my experience, and it's been the experience of a lot of people my age or older (pushing 30) who really pushed their luck.
No idea if this service is also available in large libraries of other States in the U.S. but you should check to see if they do this for yours. Texas might be the first state doing this: Houston Public Library MyLink is free for every legal Texas resident. You need the number of your ID card, your address, a valid email address and to come up with a password for the main thing and a password for Hoopla Digital (and other third party services if you use them) if you want to watch free streaming TV shows or movies. And there you go, you now have access to ebooks, TV shows, movies, audiobooks, and music you can enjoy online. Or downloaded if you have a Kindle or iPad and the Libby app. Or both. Here's why this is such a huge deal: smaller libraries tend towards the crappy in their selection. They can also limit how much you check out to ridiculously small amounts of stuff when you're doing research projects. With a bigger library you are way more likely to find what you need in a timely manner. - 7/6/25

Some good books for helping pass classes

The Must Know High School series published by McGraw Hill is the best I could find. I recommend it.
Barron's AP - covers more topics than the Must Know High School series. Way more boring though.

Some encouragement

It's been my experience that people will find literally any reason to hate you, especially if they have other people to do it with. Here's a good example on Reddit which might not actually be real, dunno Knowing this kind of thing is pretty much unavoidable, you might as well be yourself and be authentic, since people are going to hate you anyway for completely arbitrary stuff. They just enjoy being haters, that's what many human do. Oh, also try not to be like that. It seems like a better way to go, but it doesn't end well. Ask any musicians or other older people who have jobs involving dealing with a lot of petty human drama and bickering. And look closely at the people who are older than you and happy, and older than you and not happy. Compare and contrast, who is a hater, and who has mellowed out with age? Might help to pick the brains of the latter to ask for some advice. I hope I find some like that myself tbh
It is not a bad thing to be chill. Also not a bad thing to know some history. You know what's really weird? I'm seeing all this internet outrage over political incorrectness on the Internet, awfulness and general toxicity on social media, and overall mean-spirited dialogue via text and internet. Bullying, hazing, all that. I'm not saying it's "good," what I'm saying is that it's like, are people really surprised by this? All this pearl clutching... bruh, my family is Jewish and has been Jewish for hundreds of years, oh let me tell you, people are this awful all the time and have been so for years. It's just that the cloak of anonymity allows them to express this online without the usual fear of consequences, something only the bullied and the under-represented have seen up until now. Being two-faced usually creates two worlds - the world where people think you're a nice guy, and the world where the people you mistreat look at you askance - and the former world tends to be shocked when they find out about the deception. Watch and learn, and know this is nothing new.
Here's a story I heard a while back. An old man was walking along the seashore and came upon a young man tossing starfish into the ocean. He said to the young man, "Why are you tossing the starfish back in there? There are so many starfish on this beach, and more get beached every day. It's pointless. It doesn't matter. The young man threw another starfish into the ocean and said "It mattered to that one." It's an old paraphrased story passed around in motivational quote posts, apparently from an essay called The Star Thrower
In my experience, life can get really competitive and full of bullies sometimes. But if you come up with some kind of motivation to "beat them at their own game," "show them," "prove them wrong" or whatever, that's a human relationships-based motivation. Things tend to work a lot better when you find bigger motivations. Priorities change when you get older and things become clearer, you see what really matters in life to you and what doesn't. For instance, I can't honestly tell you the names of my grade school and junior high school bullies. But I can tell you about my herbal notes in great detail. I can tell you a bit about martial arts, a bit about music. Better yet, show you. The trick to it I think is keeping an open mind about your own capabilities and who you are and what you want/need until you find what you're looking for, then when you see that opportunity that you know is just right for you - take it. Think about it in terms of war. Why do you think people fight it? Some for money, power, glory and fame. Sure. But take a look at our military historically speaking. Seriously, I suggest you study it. Did you know that many many soldiers break down crying hearing For You by Keith Urban? Also, I'm so adamant that people read Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand and if possible also The Fountainhead (not repeating the toxic relationships in either, damn) because it saved my sanity and possibly my life in high school. The pressure to keep up with the joneses and be just like everyone else was insane. I would be a lot more conformist and a lot less outspoken now without it. And this website wouldn't exist. Funny thing about it, people take all kinds of shit from it that isn't even there. You have to read the whole thing to really get it. And um, not talk to others about how it "should" be taken. These people twisted the message so much it's now for goose-stepping Fascists marching in a horde of Others, like cookie cutter people, toy soldiers. Haha, they must have never actually read the book - 12/27/25, edited 1/6/26

Some good resources for same online

Math Is Fun

How To Look Good - section added 10/19/25

In a nutshell: effort, experience, education. If you really think about it this applies to anything you want to get good at.
Determining your "why" is important. Then you better understand where to look. Allure Magazine's books will not be the same as Esquire's, nor will they be the same as internet resources. That said, learning and experimenting and researching in many places helps.

Some job stuff

If you don't know what college course to take if you're headed to college, it may not be a bad idea to go into business so you can avoid getting exploited no matter the job you wind up getting. I'm still working on finding ways to learn that kind of business savvy without paying for college; the best I could find was at The Balance SMB. If you don't want to straight up get a degree in some sort of business, which is totally your choice (trust your judgment, it's your life), it might be a good idea to talk to people older than you to ask for help in finding and getting a job that doesn't exploit the heck out of you.
Employers often talk up a lot of hours and overtime. Even colleges sometimes do this, saying "you can graduate faster this way blah blah blah." You have a second bank account known as "your spoons" aka your overal bodily energy levels. Overdraft that and you might never get it back. You can definitely push yourself, but if you're exhausted day in day out, you're on dangerous ground; consider cutting back your hours. It's been my experience that you need anywhere from one to three days off per week, depending on how you operate. Proceed accordingly.
I found two spectacular Wikihow articles on driving better here: Be A Better Driver and here How To Avoid Annoying Other Drivers - added 4/16/25
If you happen to be applying to colleges now, I suggest several things to you. 1. Choose your major now, or take some dead-end job and as you're working at that job, think it over and read a bunch of library books and get some more life experience to determine what you even like to do and think about and how you like to spend your time. So you can wind up working a job/career that you don't hate despite all the hateful horrible things about literally every job - there's always some place in every job where the other shoe drops and it's important to know what you like enough to look past that. Decide before you go to college and set yourself on a path that's a bit like a bullet train - easy to get on, hard to jump off. You can switch your major while you're in there, but that's goddamned expensive and you might spend the next 20 years paying it off. Not worth it. 2. The college application process is deliberately designed to make colleges look exclusive, enticing, and like a life of ease and privilege is just within your grasp if you would only get in. It hypes up the actual value of the education in each place by an exorbitant amount - don't fall for it. Do your due diligence before you apply to any, and if you don't know what that is, I suggest you learn. It's a bit like doing homework on the school itself, and if you learn this for anything, you can apply it to buying literally everything else and not getting ripped off: homes, cars, investments. (speaking from experience) Problem: without a lot of life experience or someone to help you do this right, you can still get ripped off. There is a steep learning curve to understanding due diligence. It is imperative that you understand this. 3. Understand that no matter the outcome, whether you get accepted into a dream school or not, it's still your life. Not the school's, not your parent's, and not your teachers'. The worst advice I ever got when I was younger was "don't force anything, go with the flow." Force things when you need to. Carve your own path. You aren't a wind-up toy. - 1/6/26

Where to get non-crap goods and services so you don't get ripped off

Usually, a good internet search can help a lot here. A porch cam, however, is a necessity because most of my delivered stuff and my family's has gotten stolen over the past few years. Oh I wonder how that happened.
Seriously, a surprisingly large amount of choice opens up on the internet. Everything from the bank you use to the car you drive, anything under the sun. If your bills are too high, recurring payments to a company are pissing you off because it's obviously a company that's ripping you off and captive consumerism, see if you can switch to a better option by researching options online. If you can pay money for it, chances are you can find it. Might take a while to find though.

A couple important bits of information about "the talk"

2/7/23 Upon bingeing Cherry Magic!! 30 Years Of Virginity Makes You A Wizard?! (again. it's a guilty pleasure) I was struck by a realization. Lately the right-wing folks in the US have ramped up their usual temper tantrums and declared "war" on sex education. Which is par for the course for them but you know what? Everyone's always talking and getting angry about sex this, sex that, blah blah blah. But where are the talks about how to create and maintain a good relationship; all the things that go into that? All these things that good relationships are built on, friendships also... continuing personal mental health work. Having a good life on your own, and good self esteem. Respect. Communication. Commitment. Honesty. Vulnerability. There is so much to talk about and with all the "sex" blah blah blah the relationship stuff is just *crickets.* Why? I suspect because a few too many people with fame and political clout have their own relationships held together with nothing more than sex. And possibly also peer pressure. To be completely blunt my generation (late millenial/early gen z) didn't have any sort of education or good relationship role models for that kind of thing so we all had to learn this shit the hard way. I do not want that for you. I mean, if you're getting your knowledge of romance from things like Grease, Phantom of the Opera, and romantic kids movies (will not mention the company, it likes to sue), you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Good examples of healthy romance in pop culture, though... I can't think of any?! Besides Cherry Magic, that is, which I suppose makes it groundbreaking not just for portraying a gay romance in such a way that the protagonists are portrayed as people, but also for the kindness and respect a relationship is supposed to have. And on that note here are three things I learned the hard way with a caveat. No two love stories are ever the same so I can't speak for all lovers and all love ever, that's not possible. But with that in mind. 1. How you know you're really in love, in my experience, is when the other person's happiness and well-being matters more than yours. Conditional love such as you have feelings for them only because you are attracted to them or think they're hot or want them to behave a certain way or change for you is close, but not quite love. 2. Another factor is that you like each other enough and are personally compatible enough to enjoy each other's company enough to not want to change each other AND you are very happy together. Crying all the time? I mean... I don't know. Maybe that's a phase your relationship is going through but be honest with yourself here. 3. For a relationship to work that level of care for the other person has to be a mutually held feeling as well as set of actions that are consistent over time. People will spin words all day long to get you to give them what they want but if they're giving equally in the relationship, that's what's needed for it to be healthy. Otherwise, I hate to say it but cut your losses. Walk away.
10/22/22 Realistically, this is so damn personal that no one likes to talk about it. Ughhhh. Sorry.
10/22/22 Here's a piece of info you probably never heard. You know how condoms have like a 98% chance of working if used correctly? That's well and good until you realize that statistically speaking, you'll probably wind up having a kid anyway. Here's how that works. Let's say you have sex with someone 100 times, and 2 times the condom breaks. Voila, pretty high chance of unexpected pregnancy. Let's say you're in a loving relationship and have sex with someone countless times over the course of many years, using condoms and the rhythm method (natural family planning aka having sex only in the 3-5 days before the first day of the woman's period). You are pretty much guaranteed to have a kid in that situation, whether you want one or not. UNLESS you can get access to a morning-after pill fast enough, and even are aware that the condom broke or that sperm got in vagina, and honestly, I think these should be provided with condoms in the package in case of condom failure, but they aren't for some dumb reason (a very good reason to buy one of these and keep said pill at home in case you ever need one, if you're sexually active - and in most cases it does not actually kill anything, just brings on a period early). BTW the morning-after pill is kind of expensive; was $50 last time I checked. Over time, the risk adds up, until you're the freaked out parent of a kid you never expected to have. I think that's why abortion is such a hot button issue: our society is terrible at preventing the necessity of such a thing in the first place. That's why birth control pills are so important. (Edit 6/27/23: I have to mention, and apologize for not mentioning this earlier thanks to awful memory issues: you are not supposed to take most kinds, as far as I am aware, of birth control pills until you are the age of 18 or older. I did not follow this advice, and it messed me up. Bad.) Depending on your lifestyle choices, that's also why cervical caps, lube, spermicidal jelly, and/or vasectomies, IUDs, getting tubes tied, and hysterectomies are so important; Planned Parenthood has a lot of these option as do gynecologists, I'd say shop around for someone to help you with your reproductive choices that you can trust. Just condoms and the rhythm method (aka natural family planning) are pretty much guaranteed to not work, if you use only those all the time. That's how the statistics work out. Sure, you roll the dice every time you have sex, but considering the extreme consequences of an unexpected pregnancy, it's crucial that you think through if you are even ready for a kid. All the talk about abortion this and that and the other? Can be argued about all day, but first things first, I think it's important to ensure that the only children people have are the children people want to have in the first place, in my opinion. Birth control pills or other reproductive options (i.e. IUD) sometimes suck in terms of their side effects, but the ethical concerns about potentially neglecting a child or destroying quality of life for both of you if you were to have one might just overrule that.
10/22/22 Another piece of info you probably never heard: psychologically, "sex brain" is terrible at making good and rational decisions. Probably explains why our species has over-reproduced beyond all sane expectations. This is why birth control options that you choose ahead of time such as IUDs, birth control pills, vasectomies, etc. are so crucially important. The risks, side effects, and benefits of all of these options and many more can be found both online (again, Planned Parenthood) and from a good, reputable doctor.
The most important piece of "the talk" is to think through the kind of life you want any kids you might have to live, and how you'd raise them, realistically. And if you even want to ever have them. Parenting is actually the most important job on Earth and the ultimate responsibility. And pregnancy is bruuuutal. Once you make a decision, it's very important to learn everything you can about the consequences. Little ones deserve parents that love them. And some people straight up should never be parents. If that's you and you can be honest with yourself about that then you're morally leagues ahead of a lot of people I know. Heh.
Because it was never told in my health class: consent must be freely and enthusiastically given. No alcohol, drugs, whining, begging, threatening, or cajoling. Otherwise you are pushing the legal/ethical boundaries of the definition of "rape" and that's terrible, don't put your partner through that. Also if you can't talk together about the potential consequences of sex and the actual details of everything beforehand, and if you can't laugh about it or at least be comfortable with the risk and with your partner, that's a really bad sign. You do not want to be finding out how dramatic the aftermath of sex can really be. Great goal: be able to look at your partner and yourself in the eye 'the morning after' without remorse.
A relatively unknown but significant risk factor in contracting STDs or unwanted pregnancy is: toxic relationships. How to avoid one of these? Well, the answer is not a simple one. "Seek good mental health." Which is not an easy thing to get these days. But exerting an effort, every year of your life, to get good at being kind to yourself, having good coping mechanisms and a healthy mental state, and having a good relationship with the person in the mirror will help a lot. Learning as much psychology each year as you can - believe it or not - can help. I suggest starting with the work by Dan Pearce if you can find it, also by Alison May and Sarah Ban Breathnach. You may even want to eventually take college psychology class or read such textbooks or both, every year. Because this isn't just helpful for romantic messes, it is helpful for everything.
Another thing never covered in my health class: vasectomies are outpatient surgery, safe, and not actually all that painful according to what I've heard and studied in my medical textbooks. Women don't have the monopoly on birth control. In fact you could even save genetic material (ahem) at a sperm bank in cryostasis before you get a vasectomy just in case you ever meet the right person and want to have a child together that is genetically yours - this is usually done for testicular cancer patients but it can also be done for you. Also, male birth control options are currently in development so keep an eye out for those. Look into all of this. If you are like a lot of people, and want to have the sex no strings attached and without relationships, but don't also want a lot of kids from assorted women you do not want to be tied to, this is important to consider. Also: no one will ever be able to sue you for child support or blackmail you into getting married. And that's great.
You can find plenty of information at Planned Parenthood, and if you do some digging on Buzzfeed and Reddit, but in this day and age, I'd recommend reading everything you can find. You can also ask doctors and gynecologists about things, even anonymously on sites like Reddit. Knowledge is power. Learn as much as you can, no matter how much you think you know about "the talk," you will never stop learning.
For the actual "the talk" in book form, get The Goofy Foot Guide to Getting It On. Also, What To Expect When You're Expecting by Heidi Murkoff et al. And This Book Is Gay by Juno Dawson, even if you're straight, because a. the information is useful even if straight and b. you can help friends of all orientations, straight included, with the information especially about safe sex. Alas, STDs spread like wildfire, and merely looking out for yourself is not enough for getting them to slow their rampage. This is especially important considering LGBTQ+ folks are NOT TAUGHT ANYTHING about safe sex. To say nothing of backwaters that teach abstinence-only sex and the prison system which uh, let's just say bad things happen there... yep, that ain't workin. Even one vulnerable population circulating STDs and it'll wind up with STDs everywhere, like the Chinese New Year festival that spread covid in the first place. So - this isn't about "pandering to the gays" or whatever, it's about keeping everybody safe. Seriously awkward. But important to know.
Make sure that if you are female you are getting enough dietary iron when you are on your period. Blackstrap molasses, oysters, clams, liver, and beef are all good sources. Chocolate kind of is a good source but isn't as helpful as heme iron, the kind of iron in animal products (it is easier to absorb than plant-based iron). If you feel like you're seriously dragging and like you're getting the life sucked out of you on your period, you miiiight be low on iron. Vitamin C may improve absorption of iron also.
I was reading The Best of Single Dad Laughing, Year 1 by Dan Pearce when all of a sudden this realization hit me. In neither my own experience nor that of my friends have any of our breakups ever been less life-destroying than a divorce. Marriage just socially legitimizes your relationship. How serious it is depends on how seriously you take it and come to think of it, even the sociopathic narcissists I've known went absolutely ballistic over things not working out. Everyone I know takes every romantic relationship extremely seriously. In fact it's been that way since I was a preteen and in my junior high and high school. So don't kid yourself about relationships no matter what you or anyone else calls them. They're difficult.
1/26/23 Suggestion: if you are in your teen years, then it is a wise idea to invite friends and acquaintances that are as trustworthy as possible to a safe neutral location, for you to talk about "the talk." This is one of the least awkward and horrifying ways to learn about sex. I'd say lay a few ground rules though: 1. no question is a stupid question, 2. don't gossip or be cruel, especially to people who are having kids or had them in their teen years or other less than ideal circumstances (yikes...), 3. make this a few-times-a-year meeting. That's about it. Reason: better to not find these things out the hard way. There are so many ways that human sexuality can just all go to shit. Oh, one more suggestion: single-gendered groups are the norm for this kind of thing but it's wise to have at least once in a while co-ed groups to talk about this. Why? Because stereotypes, dangerous misunderstandings, and sexism will persist from generation to generation unless you deliberately break it down.

Very politically incorrect experiences of mine related to drugs

Know the difference between a drug you can walk away from and a drug that will ruin your life. Some resources include Erowid, Wikipedia, reading actual books written about drugs and their effects (and as many of them as you can find) and talking to a whole awful lot of musicians and homeless folks. I'm sorry to say this but you probably do not want to ask anyone who is under the age of 21 or even remotely potentially attracted to you for advice here. And you certainly wouldn't want to hear it from people with precious little wisdom or real life experience dealing with drugs and drug addicts, such as sanctimonious religious types. Like learning about sex, learning about drugs is something you can do for a lifetime and still barely scratch the surface of understanding, so I suggest you get started with studying this kind of thing now.
Learning by doing is usually the most effective method of learning things. In this case, usually what you learn is what not to do, way too late. LOL. At the very least please take my advice on not ever experimenting with these specific drugs that will most assuredly ruin your life in more ways than anyone even wants to think about: meth, heroin, cocaine, tobacco, alcohol, abusive relationships. A million reasons why not to do these things only show up five miles down the road after you get on that hell train, which you can read plenty about in The Heroin Diaries by Nikki Sixx or watch plenty about by meeting some of the people I used to know. Who told me that being straightedge was a good idea and didn't pressure me into using, bless them. With regards to the legal drugs such as tobacco and alcohol, the health risks of these are enormous and if you have lost someone special in your life to cancer or alcoholism, you understand why it's important to not inflict that kind of pain on anyone else or yourself. Plus these are too damn expensive. 10/27/23 There are lots of drugs and behavioral drugs (behaviors that have druglike effects) in this world. Many of them will not harm you and in fact can be beneficial (such as moderate exercise, healthy eating, even meditation). The strange truth about harmful drugs is that they just aren't glamorous. You look like shit, act like shit, feel like shit, lose your family. There's nothing else. All the rest is an illusion. Weird thing about a lot of anti-drug stuff though is it's all like "Harmless happiness bad! Be content! Accept everything, be at peace, be normal blahblahblah" and that in and of itself is one of the best incentives for using illegal drugs I know of. So ignore that shit and continue to enjoy harmless pleasures
Much of human life is kind of a pursuit for a drug high. The following are a list of decent addictions that will not ruin your life, which can substitute for unhealthy ones: exercise, studying, socializing, creating something artistic, meditation, martial arts. There are others but these are all very individual and have to be pursued on your own as a pursuit of happiness type thing. Hobbies, pastimes, and ways to play around and have fun have gone out the door in our society, and people wonder why drugs have found their way in. Well you gotta get your kicks somewhere.
Moral gray area drugs: caffeine, sugar, being a dick. I run on all three plus a large amount of hot sauce.
10/27/23 Stay off of Ranker! I won't say which article, but it actually pushes drugs. Glamorizes them too, kinda like how movies used to glamorize alcohol use in the 90s and 00s.
10/27/23 Here are a couple of websites that can help you or a friend with any addictions or (in the case of the first one) with serious mental health problems and/or addictions: Balancing Brain Chemistry With Peter Smith and How To Quit Heroin. Since I haven't tried hard drugs, I don't know how effective the latter website is though it is packed with common sense and over-the-counter, lifestyle, and herbal treatments for withdrawal. The former website, Balancing Brain Chemistry With Peter Smith, actually saved my life on several occasions when I was at my worst dealing with Lyme disease. I haven't praised the site enough on this one because said Lyme disease ate bits and pieces of my memory. As far as I know it's the best there is for non-drug treatments of mental health problems, though I don't agree with everything Peter Smith says.

Some tips for saving money

Meal prep. R/mealprep helps here.
"Mottainai" is the Japanese term for "don't waste" and covers a whole ethos. Generally speaking, finding ways to reduce waste and improve efficiency in your life can lower bills in the long run, and it all adds up. Also, learning to fix, clean, organize, and maintain your stuff, habitat, and self and keep that up is well worth the effort.
Home Economics actually means Home Economics. Learning to sew, cook, do laundry, keep family relations running smoothly, take good care of yourself and any dependents (kids, pets, elderly family), organize, clean, fix broken appliances and HVAC systems, update home efficiency, and keep a home running well is no joke. The better you learn how to manage your home the more money you can save. I say after seeing a large assortment of ways it can all go horribly, terribly wrong.
Try to both record and plan your spending. If you do this once a month, and look back on how you did at the end of the year, then you have some insight into changes you can make to alter your direction and improve your spending habits. Managing money well is all about clarity. How I do this is I pull monthly bank statements from my bank once a month, generally only use debit so I don't have bizarre cash spending to try to keep track of, save that in a file on my computer, and look over everything quarterly or yearly. This also really helps with taxes. Oh, and for those of you who have jobs, I use TaxAct usually, it's affordable. That said, keep all the tax forms your employer gives you, seriously this is no joke, losing that is a major PITA. In fact you should keep six years of your employment W-2s, and if possible printed and/or electronic copies of your filed taxes, in a physical folder and on a flash drive. That's in case you ever get audited, which is possible if you ever complicate your taxes by doing something like investing, running a business, or freelance work.
Mastering the art of Bureaucracy and its bullshit can and will help you not get ripped off. I'm sorry. It sucks. Organization is your ally here; having a flash drive with all government and legal documents, a plastic or steel file folder with organized folders in there, and specific locations for bureaucratic Items like passports and driver's licenses and birth certificates where they "live" in your habitat can help. Much other help is found in Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach and Everygirl's Guide to Life by Maria Menounos.
Make specific, detailed goals for exactly what you want to do in life. THEN figure out how to earn the money to get there and to have your needs taken care of. Keep that goal in mind. Otherwise you just earn money, spend money, and don't have any clue why or how. Planning for retirement, a home, a car, major purchases, kids, businesses, or whatever else you want - and this varies wildly from person to person - is a good idea. Me, I aim to have freedom, and realistically speaking if you don't have enough money, you have very little freedom. Reasoning? So future you can say to past you, "Hey, thanks!" and give you a pat on the back. Living like each day is your last is not necessarily a bad way to live, but hedge your bets; you might still be around tomorrow.
Talk to your parents about using the healthcare.gov website to see about getting the whole family on a plan there. Of all the things that can mess up your finances big time, health problems rank pretty high up there. Some other things that can seriously mess you up financially: having kids, overly expensive college, credit (basically any credit), car wrecks.
There are places you can get free condoms from here you can get these online, free and shipped discreetly, no questions asked. There's also Shebop, which sells them online.
Any effective work done on your mental health is probably the number one investment in your quality of life that you can make. And yes, it can save you a lot of money because all the money wasters in the world really boil down to one thing: bad decisions, mistakes were made. Still searching for some good resources on that front myself. Frankly we don't seem to be there as a society yet, where good therapy is available to most.
Learning to enjoy being by yourself is underrated as a way to save money. Really. The likelihood of expensive, life-altering and potentially wildly ridiculously un-fun experiences happening goes up the more time you spend around people who might, realistically speaking, not actually be that great as people.

Some mental health stuff

Grief is brutal. But I know of something far worse. Not grieving. I'm not referring to making it blatantly obvious you're grieving, weeping and wailing, gnashing your teeth and all that dramatization (people actually paid other people to do this in funeral processions a long time ago). Even pretending you're just fine when you're totally not, and are grieving, is still grieving and is valid. No I'm referring to just not caring at all. Getting yourself to that point is... well I've seen people who have done that and it's ugly.
Not everyone knows this, but if you aren't feeling that great emotionally, it's a good idea to see a doctor first (internal medicine specialist, not a family doctor, those guys are too often idiots) and not say a single word about your emotional state. Describe all real physical symptoms you have that are no bueno or fishy; don't say too much or they'll assume you're a hypochondriac. (Check their reviews first on Yelp, Healthgrades, Vitals, and Google Reviews; lots of doctors prior to the pandemic aside from those in hospitals were literal psychopaths but fortunately it seems the pandemic has changed things for the better; it probably exposed these creeps to their peers) They can then ensure you're not dealing with something serious. Ask to establish primary care with this person so they can refer you to whatever specialists you might need as without "establishing a primary care physician" you can't navigate the medical system at all basically. After however many visits it takes to solve or manage any physical problems you've got, and possibly a second opinion from a doctor in a major city different from the first area you were at, then bring up the possibility of getting a referral to a psychiatrist from said doctor.
Meditation is to the brain what compost is to a garden - pretty much good as a general fix-it measure. Learn as many different kinds of it as you want, and go for whatever you like best. There's guided meditation, visualization meditation, walking meditation, walking labyrinths, tending zen gardens, making rock cairns, focusing on the breath, relaxing completely, letting go of all thought and allowing yourself to float in nothingness, and these are just the tip of the iceberg. My recommendation is to play around with it.
If you're stressed or have a history of trauma, playing video games actually can help. Really, it's recommended for PTSD. Especially (weirdly) Dark Souls, but my personal favorite is a Bionicle game called Mata Nui
Daydreaming, imagining things, playing, having fun, and doing anything creative is pretty important for good mental health, let yourself do these things
My experience has been this: if you're needing help, seek out people you know who have mellowed out and gotten happier and more well-balanced as they've gotten older and seek help from them. They're usually the wise ones. However, if any of their advice has you going, "hmm, I don't know," take it with a grain of salt.
Being honest with yourself about your feelings and in general really helps with mental health. Far healthier than pretending or wearing a mask to yourself. You can certainly pretend to others, but feel your feelings, be real with yourself, and you'll likely be better able to cope with what life throws at you
It's been my experience that when it comes to exercise, a little done every day, no matter how little, is way better for mental health than a lot done on weekends
Fish oil is legit. Multivitamins are legit. Personally I use Carlson brand fish oil, and Doctor's Best multivitamin. Smartypants multivitamins are also a good brand, but in my opinion basically candy. Ask your doctor if these are okay for you.
A good water filtration and purification system in your house or apartment is underrated for health. Superman Is Not Coming by Erin Brockovich and Home Safe Home by Debra Lynn Dadd explain why. A couple of good brands I know include Bluonics and Aquasana. Bloody expensive. I'm sorry. Incidentally, if you're interested in a wildly helpful and steady career later on, anything related to getting clean water for use and reuse is going to be huge in the future. Actually it's already huge now
The green leafy things and the vegetals and the fruits. I mean, you know this.
Sunlight! Vitamin D deficiency is real. If you can spend 15 minutes outside per day with some good sunscreen, you're ahead of the game.
The notion of perfection and the stresses and pressure to be perfect are real. Try to not buy into this. It's ultimately pretty bad for you and everyone else.
The ADHD Song

Some suggestions for socializing

Each generation has completely different social situations. I'll be blunt. I have no idea what conditions are like "on the ground" for you guys. But I do know I personally regret being too judgmental. In my experience, I was too hard on not only myself but too judge-y of other people, and they were decent human beings. I wasn't such hot shit myself, just a decent human being also. I was however being too un-judge-ey of the horrible people in my life and should have cut them out the instant they flew their red flags in front of me. Maybe you can also see how cherishing the decent human beings around you and being a good friend to them is a good thing, and also removing yourself from the company of the bad ones is an investment in a good and drama-reduced future. Took me 20 years. I will however say that it usually takes at least 7 years of constant interaction to see if you can trust someone and if they actually are a decent human. Don't lay all your cards on the table at your first interaction, or even much of them, for quite a while.
Learn to be happy alone. Otherwise the company of "others" is dangled in front of you like a carrot to get you to dance for other people like a puppet on a string. It's actually an addiction, and look around you - most people are thoroughly addicted, no matter what their age. Un-addict yourself and you gain freedom.
One thing previous generations, particularly those steeped in Christianity (for better or worse), have gotten wrong is that you can solve any problem with enough love and compassion. Especially bullying. It has been my personal experience and indeed that of my whole family that a lot of people just aren't salvageable as human beings. You can give them all the mercy and compassion in the world and it still won't change them or make them into good people; in fact it'll just embolden them to keep being awful. This is not a pleasant truth so a lot of people don't believe it but it is the truth. There are indeed some who can reform, but value yourself enough to not let them use you as their scratching post until and if they do, if you have any kind of choice in the matter. And if you don't, then remind yourself that change is a constant of the universe because it is. So is karma, be it internally inflicted or externally. You do have the right to fight for yourself, in terms of universal principles of right and wrong, even if the legal system of the United States is crappy at defending victims right now (and I am working to try to change that... frankly, you probably should also). But do try to remember that if you and the other party or parties are 18 or under then there is (pardon) not a lot of life experience to work with, and people might not actually understand what they're doing or the consequences of their actions. Sometimes, stupidity or ignorance is the real reason for causing harm or hurt, and not malice. Happens more often than you'd think.
Old saying: to have a friend, be a friend. It applies.
Thankfully the "toxic positivity" cliquish stigma is starting to go away, and it is a good idea to do your part. In other words, if you see nothing really wrong with a person's heart, and they are a decent human being, but they're either negative, or low in social status, or easy to scapegoat, or in another group or clique, or, or, or, don't ignore them. Chat. Maybe hang out. As Peg Bracken and SE Hinton mentioned, the universal "thwack" of dealing with unpleasant things is something EVERYONE is dealing with so it is good to try to understand where someone is coming from instead of make a snap judgment about their whole existence.
It would really be a shame if you didn't express how much you care about somebody you care about when you still have the chance. Life is short. Make a point of demonstrating how much you give a shit.
It helps to ask yourself if the bitterness, anger, or other negativity people send your way has more to do with them than it does with you. It's more often than not a "them" thing, and they would have said/done the same stuff to anyone else. You just happened/happen to be there.
If another human meets bare basic standards for human decency, specifically: they don't harm the innocent deliberately ever and they try to be ethical all the time - then the only person missing out by not interacting with them because for whatever reason they don't seem good enough for your company is - you. Please understand that the adult world has (the majority of it anyway) flunked this lesson.
Try not to hang out with people who need to be "entertained" by you when you hang out. If a person can't entertain themselves, they likely can't do anything else for themselves either, and are probably using you. Also, if you don't feel comfortable around someone, no matter how much you are trying to, listen to your instincts and don't get together again. - 7/3/25
Be sparing with your trust. Of all the ways to commit a crime or do something that ethically incorrect, betrayal requires the least effort and the least intelligence. It is therefore quite widespread. - 11/1/25

About Risk, added 5/21/23

Folks in teenage years for millenia in human history are known for being a little impulsive. Maybe taking risks, testing limits and boundaries. Well you should know something about me. I used to have no fear. Turns out that's kind of bad for you. But I also grew up completely surrounded by cowards. They were so afraid of everything that they didn't do anything (almost) that needed to get done, and always took the easy way out no matter how unethical it was. So when they said "hey, don't take this stupid risk and don't be stupid" in my head I always responded "you mean like you?" So... maybe temper any enthusiasm to try new things with logical reasoning and research first. There is a chance there might be some scientific research out there indicating what you plan to try is a good or a bad idea. Or maybe someone else, a lot of someones, have tried what you're planning to do and had unexpected results to them, and they want to warn you away from it or recommend it now. You absolutely can go it alone if you have to. But... it's not fun. Unless you are extremely lucky, or have a high tolerance for pain and adversity, or both. Regardless there is one thing cowards will never know, and that is facing learning things the hard way is infinitely easier than being forced to learn them the hard way. As WC Fields once said, "Take the bull by the tail and face the situation!"

Even More Books, added 1/6/26

Sh*t My Dad Says by Justin Halpern, because a. it's entertaining, and b. I don't know if someone's ever told you the stuff in there. Which freaks me out.

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