Assorted resources, tips, and tricks from experience

New 11/8/24

Let's say for the purposes of this argument that Trump did win this election. Even if he didn't and it was that close, here is what you can personally do, if you're under 18, to keep you and your family as safe as possible long and short term. My "credentials," such as they are, consist of having a family that partially survived the Holocaust and partially didn't. And living in a place full of drug addicts for many years.
Write your representatives at all levels of government, except for Trump, and demand that absolutely no aid whatsoever be given to Russia or any other of our enemies. Just because POTUS makes friends with terrorists and war criminals doesn't mean he has to have support in the government to do it. Oh, and also, the number one alteration to our country's legal code that needs to happen is that no felon can ever work for the government at any level of it, not even as a city clerk. It needs to happen yesterday.
Short term and long term, do not associate with Trump supporters. Unless your family is, and you already know how to deal with them in that case. Don't make friends with them, and don't stay friends with them. Fascism always has collateral damage.
Long term, unlike the older generations who have no spine, do not give bullies what they want, and do not cave to peer pressure. Don't give the bad guys what they want. It is just that simple. No jobs, no friendships, no relationships, no kids with you binding you together, no room in your house to stay with you. No benefits. No tolerance whatsoever. This doesn't just go for Trump supporters these days it also goes for whoever voted for him, and they aren't all Trump supporters but could be single-issue voters, and it also goes for whoever is so far left wing they yeeted their brains and their ethics. And it also goes for everyone who is morally - and definitely - in the wrong. No more patience. They will put you and yours at risk.
Have patience when making new friends to determine how moral or amoral they are, because more is at stake now than it has been. Give it a few years instead of a few months to share anything important with new acquaintances, or get involved on more than a superficial level
If you were hoping for any significant positive changes based on government changes, don't. Plan for none of that. Plan to survive and endure. Ask any trustworthy friends from the Middle East for pointers here. All of those governments are corrupt.
Stay away from drugs. Upon such time as you get old enough to be needed by older generations to take care of them, you will have to consider if it is ethical or moral to do so because they sold us out. And that's partially because they love drug highs (and of course partially because of pathological selfishness). A cult of personality, a feeling of belonging to a tribe, the feeling of being rich and powerful - all drugs. Could be that they used and abused actual drugs back in the day, especially unhealthy amounts of promiscuous sex of really dubious ethics. Are you a musician? Know any musicians? Have you heard of the 70s? If you don't know what I'm talking about, boy have you got some interesting education ahead of you.
Upon turning 18, get a driver's license, voter registration, a gun, a concealed carry license, a taser, a job, a place to live, and a good dog to train to guard you. Make plans for all of these things now, because it isn't that simple to get them and step by step processes for each are important. You will also need to study the safe rules of gun ownership, unlike certain pro-gun people. Even the NRA used to teach people that you do not leave guns in the open as opposed to in a gun safe, and you do not point the gun at anything you do not wish to destroy. Dunno if it still does. Get training with the gun at a gun range as well. Learn home security, financial literacy, scientific literacy, sociology, and psychology as well.
A bit more about guns. These are not intended to stun or to make someone harmless. They are intended to take life. Now although you may intellectually understand what killing involves, spiritually and emotionally unless you have had the misfortune of killing someone, you would not understand. If you do, and I seriously hope you do not have to do this but it is possible, you will never be innocent again. There is something in you that withers away. Be aware that ethically this is something you might have to do at some point, but it is not something you should do lightly or think is somehow free of consequences. I'm mentioning this on Veteran's Day, and I suggest you consider all of the things that soldiers have had to do, and still do, to keep you and your family safe. This is also a major reason why democracy is important. It reduces the necessity of having to kill or be killed in your everyday life. - added 11/11/24
If you want to see some changes and actually enjoy this sort of thing, you might formally learn what I didn't. Modern world history in depth, and the causes and effects of various social movements and brainwashings. The history of the USSR. Law. Formal logic. Political science. If you don't but you still want to help, you can live your life til the next election you have a chance to vote in. For some of you that could be just next year, for local and state elections. Research the heck out of the candidates before you do, using the next link I linked. Then in the beginning of 2028, follow the guidelines in Voting Etc. for voting. Provided we still have a functional democracy by then. If we don't, you will have to do what makes the most sense to you in that situation. There are extreme options you should make contingency plans for with everyone you trust. You should know that this country is not as far along the path to destruction as Nazi Germany was, so it's not likely you will need to engage in civil war, or escape the country. But you need to plan for it in any case just in case. If it becomes necessary to take such extreme measures, trust me, you will know. It won't be ambiguous.
Despite the way things are, there is still an existent legal system in this country. Of all the things you could be learning first, law might be the best bet at helping you ensure that things change the way they need to. Obviously, the whole legal code needs to be redone. Without enough public scrutiny, who knows how it could be reworked? I will be learning it and I suggest the same to you
With all the energy and time liberated from wasting said energy and time on people who don't deserve it, lavish all that on the people who do deserve it from you. Good people. Friends, family, your home life. Keep that going. It's really important
If you happen to be empathic as well, I'm fucking sorry, and also here, have this page of pointers, and this Pinterest profile full of more pointers (it's the Imbolc stuff). Tell who you trust about it too.
Bookmark this Don't Do It page just in case anything ever drives you so far up the wall you're contemplating ending things.
Have fun when you can and remember that this is not your fault
Develop a really dark, dare I say Israeli, sense of humor. Everything can be laughed at, especially the most fucked up stuff. Having such a sense of humor is not the same as actually being fucked up
One more thing: learn to discern the difference between what you can change and what you can't, and to do your best to just focus on what you can change. I've seen people abuse this principle as an excuse to not take personal responsibility for anything, but I know y'all aren't that stupid. By default, and especially as you get older, your home environment is changeable by you. Your mind's overall state is also changeable by you, though that takes a surprising amount of hard work. In particular being able to logically reason through a problem instead of panic is a huge asset in life. There are other areas that you can change now, and that will be more and more changeable by you as you get older. You can do this.

All advice from older people to younger people

David Bowie's song Changes frames the discussion perfectly. I have no idea what you are going through and neither does anybody else, young or old. Those who are roughly your age will probably have a slightly better idea, but they're not you. People will try to tell you this that and the other, some with good intentions, some not so good, some straight up evil. They're only human, I'm only human, none of us are you. Whatever happens, think for yourself and don't buy into whatever gaslighting is the usual bullshit today. Don't gaslight yourself. Believe in your own experiences, your vision, and yourself. Because only you can really do that properly for yourself
As you can see, older generations aren't that great at behaving like they're full-grown adults. It's not often known though, that full-grown adult doesn't mean you have carte blanche to stop growing, changing, getting wiser, growing up so to speak. You never stop growing up. You don't just hit 18 or 21 and there you go, that's it, you don't need to apply effort to yourself or your life anymore. People often hit that age and then instead of leaning into the chaos and going like "I don't know what's going on, but I'm going to try my best to live life in a way that is right for me" they often go like "I now know everything and am too afraid to figure out anything else." That's, in my opinion, a mistake. If you're still living, you're not going to get any easy answers. Forge on ahead anyway. That's my take on things.
When young, people usually don't know how to cover up their real reactions and emotions, and often wear their hearts on their sleeves. As you get older you learn to wear different masks as the situation requires, which can make it easier for unscrupulous older people to manipulate younger ones. But unless you really screw up, human hearts stay fragile for life. In fact, the older you get the more likely it becomes that you have accumulated grief, and grief usually doesn't go away. For some it helps them develop wisdom, and for others, they don't cope well, have it distort their worldview, and take it out on younger folks. In other words, a lot of what people, especially older ones, do to younger ones has less to do with you individually and more to do with them.
3/11/23 Don't take life advice from anyone who talks down to you for being younger because you "have less life experience" blah blahblah. I'm pushing 30 now, and I know their dirty little secret. Chances are extremely good that a. they have no self esteem, b. they have a chip on their shoulder cause life for them turned out to not be what they hoped, c. they know this country has a tradition of forcing younguns to respect their elders and think this makes it justified to take full advantage of that situation and d. the only way they can feel successful and good about themselves is to pretend that mere age = success. That's uh, an immature mindset, and if someone hasn't grown out of that, they probably are not the person to ask for specific and helpful advice.

New 5/21/24 Older Generation Stuff

Well, looks like you guys are even weirder than us Millenials. Awesome! If you ever want to get along with Millenials and accumulate say, an older sibling age person or two, just remember we were forced into conformity at a fairly young age. We aren't that way but if you give us a safe space to be as weird as we really are, I promise you most of us will not disappoint. Gen X also is just as weird but they dealt with Boomers and other bullshit for way longer, and got it worse than us, so you'd have to know them for a good ten years before you see that side of them. It's there. By the way regarding Boomers, the really weird ones don't bother to try to hide it and aren't really Boomer Boomers.

New 1/19/24 Tech Stuff

You all have a lot more electronics in your lives than Millenials and even some older Zillenials did when kids/teens. Although you have many benefits from this, please don't forget how much you are missing out on by being in front of the screens. Unless you have seriously limited mobility like me, consider finding IRL hobbies, pastimes, and pursuits to enjoy yourself with. Bluntly, if I had kids by now, I wouldn't allow them iphones, iPads, or TikTok. Certainly not freaking TikTok - ban on that in my house. You probably know why. However, you probably know the benefits of it too, so with this and every other piece of technology, I suggest weighing the benefits and drawbacks over time and seeing if it's really worth it to engage with anything. A piece of paper with a pro/con table has served me very well in the past, multiple times.

New 4/27/23 the Auburn University Information Hotline

Apparently this is legitimate: if you have any question at all which isn't personal, you can call this hotline and they'll try to answer to the best of their ability. To call the James E. Foy information desk at Auburn University, the number is 1- (344) 844-4244. And now to cite my sources: r/TodayILearned thread, a hapless worker of that hotline, kekbfm Colorado radio station, Auburn University official Foy Information Desk website. No, I haven't tried this myself.

New 3/14/23 Religious parents, and 9/10/24 Religion

Dealing with religious parents is kind of a trip. Honest, they run the gamut, from those who genuinely want the best for you to those who only want what's best for them, and those who are dealing with so many personal issues that it gets confusing dealing with them at all. In all circumstances, believe it or not your best bet at dealing with this kind of stuff is probably to learn the religion inside and out so that you can understand what they're trying to badger you about and if it's even backed up with the sacred text or whatever else makes up the DNA of the religion (it uh. Usually isn't.) For those of you who are dealing with parents who don't really care despite pretending to, and are using religion as a front for that truth - I am sorry. I am really sorry. And wish there was more I could do to help. But for a lot of you there's a pretty good chance that your folks have seen some of the tougher realities of adult life and want to shield you from it, perhaps using religion. To them, they might see it as a way to keep your life safer, better, more wholesome. But judging from the news I've been reading lately, and what I've seen in life, there seem to be two basic variants of any religion: toxic, and nontoxic. If you guys are going to do the family religion stuff, it might be worthwhile for you and your folks to discuss the potential toxicity and dangers inherent in the people in that religion, in the interpretation and practices of that religion, and in your particular congregation. And every religion has those potential issues. Within a given town, it might be safer, better, to choose a different and less toxic place of worship, for instance. Religion itself is usually not the primary problem. It attracts sociopaths. That's the major problem. The secondary problem is usually complacency, when people in a religion never question it and just assume it's perfect and perfectly understood as is, which is literally impossible given that human beings are not omniscient nor capable of fully understanding the answers to the big questions. Thus problems fester and eventually grow out of proportion because they were never properly dealt with in the first place. It does not have to be that way within your family.
Some younger folks seem to want to get into other religions, and that's your choice. I would however recommend that if you decide to get into Paganism with the Norse Gods, it's often mixed in with white supremacists and racists, and the reason this is bad (besides societal disproval) is that it's hazardous to your health from the Norse Deities Themselves. Look, if we're talking about a religion that has Deities who are so just and so focused on self-determination and doing your absolute best as a person and in life, and the least ethical of Them, Loki, is still extremely bent on honorable behavior to the point of insisting on that among all modern devotees... and we're talking about a Deity here who betrayed all the other Norse Deities, had "adventures" with various creatures, is chaos incarnate (literally, and that's - if you believe in Norse Paganism - a major reason why we have say, weather that changes and any change at all), in Norse lore destroys the universe by turning evil because He goes crazy by Ragnarok, and developed a sort of infamy that will probably never go away for good reason, you really think that all the others are somehow more tolerant of an evil doctrine like racism? I'm just gonna say it, you probably already know the answer conscience-wise as to if Asatru and Norse religion actually is mixed in with racism, but if you don't believe me or your conscience ask the Norse Deities Themselves.

How to get justice?

For the fact that the US justice system and most justice systems worldwide are crap I apologize. I've been trying to figure out how to make real justice, and not just a mockery of it, happen for years now and it's not as simple as it looks. But I do know this: you don't have a snowball's chance in hell of getting revenge, the piss-poor substitute for justice, let alone justice itself, if you do not get the best education that you possibly can. I know a lot of you might be going through some crap times right now and I wish there was more I could do to help. But you have an asset: time. Sink some effort into improving your skills and getting a well-rounded, thorough education every year, and CRUSH YOUR ENEMIES later. Or, just live better. Your choice. But it's a good idea to give yourself the opportunity to make that choice.
The old saying that you can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs has an implication. Don't make a mess if you don't know how to make an omelette. Don't start a fight you can't finish, don't fight half a war, and above all don't go in all half-cocked without understanding exactly what you're getting into, why, and with all the details you can get. Finish what you start, and you had best be certain that you will not harm the innocent or succumb to some "end justifies the means" crap making you go about this in an unethical way or you will pay more than you are willing to pay for. I'm sure you can see negative examples all around you of all kinds convinced they are doing what's right and good, but these nimrods will have you thinking up is down, evil is good, and sugar is salt, you know? Trust your own judgment and keep a cool head, but keep an open mind above all. Nothing is ever as simple as it seems.
Education is just as important as good mental health and attempting to understand ethics here. This way you avoid screwing up. As much.
The film 12 Angry Men is worth watching, as is Law and Order and Legal Eagle. At least this way you can see how justice is supposed to be done in this country
3/21/23 adding this because very few folks these days are mentioning it: hate is not a good thing. It's human nature, and in some cases it's your right to feel hate, but that doesn't make it a helpful or a productive emotion. You can see this for yourself if you ever visit Jerusalem, an endless hate-fest if there ever was one. A lot of people and organizations these days are making an effort to make younger generations and even their own kids perpetuate a cycle of hatred, and frankly, that's not a radical new and great idea, it's the oldest tradition in humankind and a destruction of civilization and all that makes human beings humane - nothing will crush dreams faster, not only of the hater but everyone around them. A lot of older generations are suffering right now, but instead of allowing younger generations to be free from hate and free to pursue their own dreams they are insisting the younger ones take up the sword and fight a battle that is not their own. Younger generations have less life experience, so are easier to influence by old, bitter, jaded people. That's you right now (younger generations) and I don't want you to be cannon fodder. You aren't expendable. If any given doctrine boils down to "hatred is good," run. Just run.

Where to get information

For any given topic, the library is generally more reliable as a good source of info than the internet. Use the library catalog first online, using search terms that you think can yield good fruit, learn to work with the filters to focus on what you are looking for, and make a list. If you have a library card you can often make wishlists on the library website, but make certain these are private instead of publicly viewable.
Use the search engine of your choice, such as Ecosia.org or duckduckgo.com, and use a search term like "_ reddit" plus search for that in Wikipedia. You can often find more this way than by just using a search engine for the term alone.
Some sources I use to keep on top of current technological and scientific research and trends (because I invest in stocks and like to know what the heck I'm investing in) include PubMed Central, Science Daily, Good News Network, VegNews, Interesting Engineering, r/futurology, r/upliftingnews, NASA, and the Arbor Day blog. Sometimes even Buzzfeed delivers, particularly for topics related to reproduction and reproductive health. Buzzfeed, however, is hard to navigate because you can't find the good (informative, helpful, non-gossipy) stuff from their main page, you have to click on a good article, read it and then open other articles linked at the bottom of said article in new tabs, bookmark 'em, and come back to them that way. I'm sure there's more out there, but it's tough to find in the sea of monopoly-controlled mass media and social media websites
Speaking of bookmarks, it's very much worth your while to organize your browser's bookmarks into folders named as their topics so you don't spend like half an hour trying to find that one thing
For heaven's sake think things through yourself, on your own. More times you'll get in trouble going along with a crowd or even just one other person than by being alone. That's been my experience, and it's been the experience of a lot of people my age or older (pushing 30) who really pushed their luck.

Some good books for helping pass classes

The Must Know High School series published by McGraw Hill is the best I could find. I recommend it.
Barron's AP - covers more topics than the Must Know High School series. Way more boring though.

Some encouragement

It's been my experience that people will find literally any reason to hate you, especially if they have other people to do it with. Here's a good example on Reddit which might not actually be real, dunno Knowing this kind of thing is pretty much unavoidable, you might as well be yourself and be authentic, since people are going to hate you anyway for completely arbitrary stuff. They just enjoy being haters, that's what many human do. Oh, also try not to be like that. It seems like a better way to go, but it doesn't end well. Ask any musicians or other older people who have jobs involving dealing with a lot of petty human drama and bickering. And look closely at the people who are older than you and happy, and older than you and not happy. Compare and contrast, who is a hater, and who has mellowed out with age? Might help to pick the brains of the latter to ask for some advice. I hope I find some like that myself tbh
It is not a bad thing to be chill. Also not a bad thing to know some history. You know what's really weird? I'm seeing all this internet outrage over political incorrectness on the Internet, awfulness and general toxicity on social media, and overall mean-spirited dialogue via text and internet. Bullying, hazing, all that. I'm not saying it's "good," what I'm saying is that it's like, are people really surprised by this? All this pearl clutching... bruh, my family is Jewish and has been Jewish for hundreds of years, oh let me tell you, people are this awful all the time and have been so for years. It's just that the cloak of anonymity allows them to express this online without the usual fear of consequences, something only the bullied and the under-represented have seen up until now. Being two-faced usually creates two worlds - the world where people think you're a nice guy, and the world where the people you mistreat look at you askance - and the former world tends to be shocked when they find out about the deception. Watch and learn, and know this is nothing new.
Here's a story I heard a while back. An old man was walking along the seashore and came upon a young man tossing starfish into the ocean. He said to the young man, "Why are you tossing the starfish back in there? There are so many starfish on this beach, and more get beached every day. It's pointless. It doesn't matter. The young man threw another starfish into the ocean and said "It mattered to that one." It's an old paraphrased story passed around in motivational quote posts, apparently from an essay called The Star Thrower

Some good resources for same online

Math Is Fun

Some job stuff

If you don't know what college course to take if you're headed to college, it may not be a bad idea to go into business so you can avoid getting exploited no matter the job you wind up getting. I'm still working on finding ways to learn that kind of business savvy without paying for college; the best I could find was at The Balance SMB. If you don't want to straight up get a degree in some sort of business, which is totally your choice (trust your judgment, it's your life), it might be a good idea to talk to people older than you to ask for help in finding and getting a job that doesn't exploit the heck out of you.
Employers often talk up a lot of hours and overtime. Even colleges sometimes do this, saying "you can graduate faster this way blah blah blah." You have a second bank account known as "your spoons" aka your overal bodily energy levels. Overdraft that and you might never get it back. You can definitely push yourself, but if you're exhausted day in day out, you're on dangerous ground; consider cutting back your hours. It's been my experience that you need anywhere from one to three days off per week, depending on how you operate. Proceed accordingly.

Where to get non-crap goods and services so you don't get ripped off

Usually, a good internet search can help a lot here. A porch cam, however, is a necessity because most of my delivered stuff and my family's has gotten stolen over the past few years. Oh I wonder how that happened.
Seriously, a surprisingly large amount of choice opens up on the internet. Everything from the bank you use to the car you drive, anything under the sun. If your bills are too high, recurring payments to a company are pissing you off because it's obviously a company that's ripping you off and captive consumerism, see if you can switch to a better option by researching options online. If you can pay money for it, chances are you can find it. Might take a while to find though.

A couple important bits of information about "the talk"

2/7/23 Upon bingeing Cherry Magic!! 30 Years Of Virginity Makes You A Wizard?! (again. it's a guilty pleasure) I was struck by a realization. Lately the right-wing folks in the US have ramped up their usual temper tantrums and declared "war" on sex education. Which is par for the course for them but you know what? Everyone's always talking and getting angry about sex this, sex that, blah blah blah. But where are the talks about how to create and maintain a good relationship; all the things that go into that? All these things that good relationships are built on, friendships also... continuing personal mental health work. Having a good life on your own, and good self esteem. Respect. Communication. Commitment. Honesty. Vulnerability. There is so much to talk about and with all the "sex" blah blah blah the relationship stuff is just *crickets.* Why? I suspect because a few too many people with fame and political clout have their own relationships held together with nothing more than sex. And possibly also peer pressure. To be completely blunt my generation (late millenial/early gen z) didn't have any sort of education or good relationship role models for that kind of thing so we all had to learn this shit the hard way. I do not want that for you. I mean, if you're getting your knowledge of romance from things like Grease, Phantom of the Opera, and romantic kids movies (will not mention the company, it likes to sue), you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Good examples of healthy romance in pop culture, though... I can't think of any?! Besides Cherry Magic, that is, which I suppose makes it groundbreaking not just for portraying a gay romance in such a way that the protagonists are portrayed as people, but also for the kindness and respect a relationship is supposed to have. And on that note here are three things I learned the hard way with a caveat. No two love stories are ever the same so I can't speak for all lovers and all love ever, that's not possible. But with that in mind. 1. How you know you're really in love, in my experience, is when the other person's happiness and well-being matters more than yours. Conditional love such as you have feelings for them only because you are attracted to them or think they're hot or want them to behave a certain way or change for you is close, but not quite love. 2. Another factor is that you like each other enough and are personally compatible enough to enjoy each other's company enough to not want to change each other AND you are very happy together. Crying all the time? I mean... I don't know. Maybe that's a phase your relationship is going through but be honest with yourself here. 3. For a relationship to work that level of care for the other person has to be a mutually held feeling as well as set of actions that are consistent over time. People will spin words all day long to get you to give them what they want but if they're giving equally in the relationship, that's what's needed for it to be healthy. Otherwise, I hate to say it but cut your losses. Walk away.
10/22/22 Realistically, this is so damn personal that no one likes to talk about it. Ughhhh. Sorry.
10/22/22 Here's a piece of info you probably never heard. You know how condoms have like a 98% chance of working if used correctly? That's well and good until you realize that statistically speaking, you'll probably wind up having a kid anyway. Here's how that works. Let's say you have sex with someone 100 times, and 2 times the condom breaks. Voila, pretty high chance of unexpected pregnancy. Let's say you're in a loving relationship and have sex with someone countless times over the course of many years, using condoms and the rhythm method (natural family planning aka having sex only in the 3-5 days before the first day of the woman's period). You are pretty much guaranteed to have a kid in that situation, whether you want one or not. UNLESS you can get access to a morning-after pill fast enough, and even are aware that the condom broke or that sperm got in vagina, and honestly, I think these should be provided with condoms in the package in case of condom failure, but they aren't for some dumb reason (a very good reason to buy one of these and keep said pill at home in case you ever need one, if you're sexually active - and in most cases it does not actually kill anything, just brings on a period early). BTW the morning-after pill is kind of expensive; was $50 last time I checked. Over time, the risk adds up, until you're the freaked out parent of a kid you never expected to have. I think that's why abortion is such a hot button issue: our society is terrible at preventing the necessity of such a thing in the first place. That's why birth control pills are so important. (Edit 6/27/23: I have to mention, and apologize for not mentioning this earlier thanks to awful memory issues: you are not supposed to take most kinds, as far as I am aware, of birth control pills until you are the age of 18 or older. I did not follow this advice, and it messed me up. Bad.) Depending on your lifestyle choices, that's also why cervical caps, lube, spermicidal jelly, and/or vasectomies, IUDs, getting tubes tied, and hysterectomies are so important; Planned Parenthood has a lot of these option as do gynecologists, I'd say shop around for someone to help you with your reproductive choices that you can trust. Just condoms and the rhythm method (aka natural family planning) are pretty much guaranteed to not work, if you use only those all the time. That's how the statistics work out. Sure, you roll the dice every time you have sex, but considering the extreme consequences of an unexpected pregnancy, it's crucial that you think through if you are even ready for a kid. All the talk about abortion this and that and the other? Can be argued about all day, but first things first, I think it's important to ensure that the only children people have are the children people want to have in the first place, in my opinion. Birth control pills or other reproductive options (i.e. IUD) sometimes suck in terms of their side effects, but the ethical concerns about potentially neglecting a child or destroying quality of life for both of you if you were to have one might just overrule that.
10/22/22 Another piece of info you probably never heard: psychologically, "sex brain" is terrible at making good and rational decisions. Probably explains why our species has over-reproduced beyond all sane expectations. This is why birth control options that you choose ahead of time such as IUDs, birth control pills, vasectomies, etc. are so crucially important. The risks, side effects, and benefits of all of these options and many more can be found both online (again, Planned Parenthood) and from a good, reputable doctor.
The most important piece of "the talk" is to think through the kind of life you want any kids you might have to live, and how you'd raise them, realistically. And if you even want to ever have them. Parenting is actually the most important job on Earth and the ultimate responsibility. And pregnancy is bruuuutal. Once you make a decision, it's very important to learn everything you can about the consequences. Little ones deserve parents that love them. And some people straight up should never be parents. If that's you and you can be honest with yourself about that then you're morally leagues ahead of a lot of people I know. Heh.
Because it was never told in my health class: consent must be freely and enthusiastically given. No alcohol, drugs, whining, begging, threatening, or cajoling. Otherwise you are pushing the legal/ethical boundaries of the definition of "rape" and that's terrible, don't put your partner through that. Also if you can't talk together about the potential consequences of sex and the actual details of everything beforehand, and if you can't laugh about it or at least be comfortable with the risk and with your partner, that's a really bad sign. You do not want to be finding out how dramatic the aftermath of sex can really be. Great goal: be able to look at your partner and yourself in the eye 'the morning after' without remorse.
A relatively unknown but significant risk factor in contracting STDs or unwanted pregnancy is: toxic relationships. How to avoid one of these? Well, the answer is not a simple one. "Seek good mental health." Which is not an easy thing to get these days. But exerting an effort, every year of your life, to get good at being kind to yourself, having good coping mechanisms and a healthy mental state, and having a good relationship with the person in the mirror will help a lot. Learning as much psychology each year as you can - believe it or not - can help. I suggest starting with the work by Dan Pearce if you can find it, also by Alison May and Sarah Ban Breathnach. You may even want to eventually take college psychology class or read such textbooks or both, every year. Because this isn't just helpful for romantic messes, it is helpful for everything.
Another thing never covered in my health class: vasectomies are outpatient surgery, safe, and not actually all that painful according to what I've heard and studied in my medical textbooks. Women don't have the monopoly on birth control. In fact you could even save genetic material (ahem) at a sperm bank in cryostasis before you get a vasectomy just in case you ever meet the right person and want to have a child together that is genetically yours - this is usually done for testicular cancer patients but it can also be done for you. Also, male birth control options are currently in development so keep an eye out for those. Look into all of this. If you are like a lot of people, and want to have the sex no strings attached and without relationships, but don't also want a lot of kids from assorted women you do not want to be tied to, this is important to consider. Also: no one will ever be able to sue you for child support or blackmail you into getting married. And that's great.
You can find plenty of information at Planned Parenthood, and if you do some digging on Buzzfeed and Reddit, but in this day and age, I'd recommend reading everything you can find. You can also ask doctors and gynecologists about things, even anonymously on sites like Reddit. Knowledge is power. Learn as much as you can, no matter how much you think you know about "the talk," you will never stop learning.
For the actual "the talk" in book form, get The Goofy Foot Guide to Getting It On. Also, What To Expect When You're Expecting by Heidi Murkoff et al. And This Book Is Gay by Juno Dawson, even if you're straight, because a. the information is useful even if straight and b. you can help friends of all orientations, straight included, with the information especially about safe sex. Alas, STDs spread like wildfire, and merely looking out for yourself is not enough for getting them to slow their rampage. This is especially important considering LGBTQ+ folks are NOT TAUGHT ANYTHING about safe sex. To say nothing of backwaters that teach abstinence-only sex and the prison system which uh, let's just say bad things happen there... yep, that ain't workin. Even one vulnerable population circulating STDs and it'll wind up with STDs everywhere, like the Chinese New Year festival that spread covid in the first place. So - this isn't about "pandering to the gays" or whatever, it's about keeping everybody safe. Seriously awkward. But important to know.
Make sure that if you are female you are getting enough dietary iron when you are on your period. Blackstrap molasses, oysters, clams, liver, and beef are all good sources. Chocolate kind of is a good source but isn't as helpful as heme iron, the kind of iron in animal products (it is easier to absorb than plant-based iron). If you feel like you're seriously dragging and like you're getting the life sucked out of you on your period, you miiiight be low on iron. Vitamin C may improve absorption of iron also.
I was reading The Best of Single Dad Laughing, Year 1 by Dan Pearce when all of a sudden this realization hit me. In neither my own experience nor that of my friends have any of our breakups ever been less life-destroying than a divorce. Marriage just socially legitimizes your relationship. How serious it is depends on how seriously you take it and come to think of it, even the sociopathic narcissists I've known went absolutely ballistic over things not working out. Everyone I know takes every romantic relationship extremely seriously. In fact it's been that way since I was a preteen and in my junior high and high school. So don't kid yourself about relationships no matter what you or anyone else calls them. They're difficult.
1/26/23 Suggestion: if you are in your teen years, then it is a wise idea to invite friends and acquaintances that are as trustworthy as possible to a safe neutral location, for you to talk about "the talk." This is one of the least awkward and horrifying ways to learn about sex. I'd say lay a few ground rules though: 1. no question is a stupid question, 2. don't gossip or be cruel, especially to people who are having kids or had them in their teen years or other less than ideal circumstances (yikes...), 3. make this a few-times-a-year meeting. That's about it. Reason: better to not find these things out the hard way. There are so many ways that human sexuality can just all go to shit. Oh, one more suggestion: single-gendered groups are the norm for this kind of thing but it's wise to have at least once in a while co-ed groups to talk about this. Why? Because stereotypes, dangerous misunderstandings, and sexism will persist from generation to generation unless you deliberately break it down.

Very politically incorrect experiences of mine related to drugs

Know the difference between a drug you can walk away from and a drug that will ruin your life. Some resources include Erowid, Wikipedia, reading actual books written about drugs and their effects (and as many of them as you can find) and talking to a whole awful lot of musicians and homeless folks. I'm sorry to say this but you probably do not want to ask anyone who is under the age of 21 or even remotely potentially attracted to you for advice here. And you certainly wouldn't want to hear it from people with precious little wisdom or real life experience dealing with drugs and drug addicts, such as sanctimonious religious types. Like learning about sex, learning about drugs is something you can do for a lifetime and still barely scratch the surface of understanding, so I suggest you get started with studying this kind of thing now.
Learning by doing is usually the most effective method of learning things. In this case, usually what you learn is what not to do, way too late. LOL. At the very least please take my advice on not ever experimenting with these specific drugs that will most assuredly ruin your life in more ways than anyone even wants to think about: meth, heroin, cocaine, tobacco, alcohol, abusive relationships. A million reasons why not to do these things only show up five miles down the road after you get on that hell train, which you can read plenty about in The Heroin Diaries by Nikki Sixx or watch plenty about by meeting some of the people I used to know. Who told me that being straightedge was a good idea and didn't pressure me into using, bless them. With regards to the legal drugs such as tobacco and alcohol, the health risks of these are enormous and if you have lost someone special in your life to cancer or alcoholism, you understand why it's important to not inflict that kind of pain on anyone else or yourself. Plus these are too damn expensive. 10/27/23 There are lots of drugs and behavioral drugs (behaviors that have druglike effects) in this world. Many of them will not harm you and in fact can be beneficial (such as moderate exercise, healthy eating, even meditation). The strange truth about harmful drugs is that they just aren't glamorous. You look like shit, act like shit, feel like shit, lose your family. There's nothing else. All the rest is an illusion. Weird thing about a lot of anti-drug stuff though is it's all like "Harmless happiness bad! Be content! Accept everything, be at peace, be normal blahblahblah" and that in and of itself is one of the best incentives for using illegal drugs I know of. So ignore that shit and continue to enjoy harmless pleasures
Much of human life is kind of a pursuit for a drug high. The following are a list of decent addictions that will not ruin your life, which can substitute for unhealthy ones: exercise, studying, socializing, creating something artistic, meditation, martial arts. There are others but these are all very individual and have to be pursued on your own as a pursuit of happiness type thing. Hobbies, pastimes, and ways to play around and have fun have gone out the door in our society, and people wonder why drugs have found their way in. Well you gotta get your kicks somewhere.
Moral gray area drugs: caffeine, sugar, being a dick. I run on all three plus a large amount of hot sauce.
10/27/23 Stay off of Ranker! I won't say which article, but it actually pushes drugs. Glamorizes them too, kinda like how movies used to glamorize alcohol use in the 90s and 00s.
10/27/23 Here are a couple of websites that can help you or a friend with any addictions or (in the case of the first one) with serious mental health problems and/or addictions: Balancing Brain Chemistry With Peter Smith and How To Quit Heroin. Since I haven't tried hard drugs, I don't know how effective the latter website is though it is packed with common sense and over-the-counter, lifestyle, and herbal treatments for withdrawal. The former website, Balancing Brain Chemistry With Peter Smith, actually saved my life on several occasions when I was at my worst dealing with Lyme disease. I haven't praised the site enough on this one because said Lyme disease ate bits and pieces of my memory. As far as I know it's the best there is for non-drug treatments of mental health problems, though I don't agree with everything Peter Smith says.

Some tips for saving money

Meal prep. R/mealprep helps here.
"Mottainai" is the Japanese term for "don't waste" and covers a whole ethos. Generally speaking, finding ways to reduce waste and improve efficiency in your life can lower bills in the long run, and it all adds up. Also, learning to fix, clean, organize, and maintain your stuff, habitat, and self and keep that up is well worth the effort.
Home Economics actually means Home Economics. Learning to sew, cook, do laundry, keep family relations running smoothly, take good care of yourself and any dependents (kids, pets, elderly family), organize, clean, fix broken appliances and HVAC systems, update home efficiency, and keep a home running well is no joke. The better you learn how to manage your home the more money you can save. I say after seeing a large assortment of ways it can all go horribly, terribly wrong.
Try to both record and plan your spending. If you do this once a month, and look back on how you did at the end of the year, then you have some insight into changes you can make to alter your direction and improve your spending habits. Managing money well is all about clarity. How I do this is I pull monthly bank statements from my bank once a month, generally only use debit so I don't have bizarre cash spending to try to keep track of, save that in a file on my computer, and look over everything quarterly or yearly. This also really helps with taxes. Oh, and for those of you who have jobs, I use TaxAct usually, it's affordable. That said, keep all the tax forms your employer gives you, seriously this is no joke, losing that is a major PITA. In fact you should keep six years of your employment W-2s, and if possible printed and/or electronic copies of your filed taxes, in a physical folder and on a flash drive. That's in case you ever get audited, which is possible if you ever complicate your taxes by doing something like investing, running a business, or freelance work.
Mastering the art of Bureaucracy and its bullshit can and will help you not get ripped off. I'm sorry. It sucks. Organization is your ally here; having a flash drive with all government and legal documents, a plastic or steel file folder with organized folders in there, and specific locations for bureaucratic Items like passports and driver's licenses and birth certificates where they "live" in your habitat can help. Much other help is found in Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach and Everygirl's Guide to Life by Maria Menounos.
Make specific, detailed goals for exactly what you want to do in life. THEN figure out how to earn the money to get there and to have your needs taken care of. Keep that goal in mind. Otherwise you just earn money, spend money, and don't have any clue why or how. Planning for retirement, a home, a car, major purchases, kids, businesses, or whatever else you want - and this varies wildly from person to person - is a good idea. Me, I aim to have freedom, and realistically speaking if you don't have enough money, you have very little freedom. Reasoning? So future you can say to past you, "Hey, thanks!" and give you a pat on the back. Living like each day is your last is not necessarily a bad way to live, but hedge your bets; you might still be around tomorrow.
Talk to your parents about using the healthcare.gov website to see about getting the whole family on a plan there. Of all the things that can mess up your finances big time, health problems rank pretty high up there. Some other things that can seriously mess you up financially: having kids, overly expensive college, credit (basically any credit), car wrecks.
There are places you can get free condoms from here you can get these online, free and shipped discreetly, no questions asked. There's also Shebop, which sells them online.
Any effective work done on your mental health is probably the number one investment in your quality of life that you can make. And yes, it can save you a lot of money because all the money wasters in the world really boil down to one thing: bad decisions, mistakes were made. Still searching for some good resources on that front myself. Frankly we don't seem to be there as a society yet, where good therapy is available to most.
Learning to enjoy being by yourself is underrated as a way to save money. Really. The likelihood of expensive, life-altering and potentially wildly ridiculously un-fun experiences happening goes up the more time you spend around people who might, realistically speaking, not actually be that great as people.

Some mental health stuff

Grief is brutal. But I know of something far worse. Not grieving. I'm not referring to making it blatantly obvious you're grieving, weeping and wailing, gnashing your teeth and all that dramatization (people actually paid other people to do this in funeral processions a long time ago). Even pretending you're just fine when you're totally not, and are grieving, is still grieving and is valid. No I'm referring to just not caring at all. Getting yourself to that point is... well I've seen people who have done that and it's ugly.
Not everyone knows this, but if you aren't feeling that great emotionally, it's a good idea to see a doctor first (internal medicine specialist, not a family doctor, those guys are too often idiots) and not say a single word about your emotional state. Describe all real physical symptoms you have that are no bueno or fishy; don't say too much or they'll assume you're a hypochondriac. (Check their reviews first on Yelp, Healthgrades, Vitals, and Google Reviews; lots of doctors prior to the pandemic aside from those in hospitals were literal psychopaths but fortunately it seems the pandemic has changed things for the better; it probably exposed these creeps to their peers) They can then ensure you're not dealing with something serious. Ask to establish primary care with this person so they can refer you to whatever specialists you might need as without "establishing a primary care physician" you can't navigate the medical system at all basically. After however many visits it takes to solve or manage any physical problems you've got, and possibly a second opinion from a doctor in a major city different from the first area you were at, then bring up the possibility of getting a referral to a psychiatrist from said doctor.
Meditation is to the brain what compost is to a garden - pretty much good as a general fix-it measure. Learn as many different kinds of it as you want, and go for whatever you like best. There's guided meditation, visualization meditation, walking meditation, walking labyrinths, tending zen gardens, making rock cairns, focusing on the breath, relaxing completely, letting go of all thought and allowing yourself to float in nothingness, and these are just the tip of the iceberg. My recommendation is to play around with it.
If you're stressed or have a history of trauma, playing video games actually can help. Really, it's recommended for PTSD. Especially (weirdly) Dark Souls, but my personal favorite is a Bionicle game called Mata Nui
Daydreaming, imagining things, playing, having fun, and doing anything creative is pretty important for good mental health, let yourself do these things
My experience has been this: if you're needing help, seek out people you know who have mellowed out and gotten happier and more well-balanced as they've gotten older and seek help from them. They're usually the wise ones. However, if any of their advice has you going, "hmm, I don't know," take it with a grain of salt.
Being honest with yourself about your feelings and in general really helps with mental health. Far healthier than pretending or wearing a mask to yourself. You can certainly pretend to others, but feel your feelings, be real with yourself, and you'll likely be better able to cope with what life throws at you
It's been my experience that when it comes to exercise, a little done every day, no matter how little, is way better for mental health than a lot done on weekends
Fish oil is legit. Multivitamins are legit. Personally I use Carlson brand fish oil, and Doctor's Best multivitamin. Smartypants multivitamins are also a good brand, but in my opinion basically candy. Ask your doctor if these are okay for you.
A good water filtration and purification system in your house or apartment is underrated for health. Superman Is Not Coming by Erin Brockovich and Home Safe Home by Debra Lynn Dadd explain why. A couple of good brands I know include Bluonics and Aquasana. Bloody expensive. I'm sorry. Incidentally, if you're interested in a wildly helpful and steady career later on, anything related to getting clean water for use and reuse is going to be huge in the future. Actually it's already huge now
The green leafy things and the vegetals and the fruits. I mean, you know this.
Sunlight! Vitamin D deficiency is real. If you can spend 15 minutes outside per day with some good sunscreen, you're ahead of the game.
The notion of perfection and the stresses and pressure to be perfect are real. Try to not buy into this. It's ultimately pretty bad for you and everyone else.
The ADHD Song

Some suggestions for socializing

Each generation has completely different social situations. I'll be blunt. I have no idea what conditions are like "on the ground" for you guys. But I do know I personally regret being too judgmental. In my experience, I was too hard on not only myself but too judge-y of other people, and they were decent human beings. I wasn't such hot shit myself, just a decent human being also. I was however being too un-judge-ey of the horrible people in my life and should have cut them out the instant they flew their red flags in front of me. Maybe you can also see how cherishing the decent human beings around you and being a good friend to them is a good thing, and also removing yourself from the company of the bad ones is an investment in a good and drama-reduced future. Took me 20 years. I will however say that it usually takes at least 7 years of constant interaction to see if you can trust someone and if they actually are a decent human. Don't lay all your cards on the table at your first interaction, or even much of them, for quite a while.
Learn to be happy alone. Otherwise the company of "others" is dangled in front of you like a carrot to get you to dance for other people like a puppet on a string. It's actually an addiction, and look around you - most people are thoroughly addicted, no matter what their age. Un-addict yourself and you gain freedom.
One thing previous generations, particularly those steeped in Christianity (for better or worse), have gotten wrong is that you can solve any problem with enough love and compassion. Especially bullying. It has been my personal experience and indeed that of my whole family that a lot of people just aren't salvageable as human beings. You can give them all the mercy and compassion in the world and it still won't change them or make them into good people; in fact it'll just embolden them to keep being awful. This is not a pleasant truth so a lot of people don't believe it but it is the truth. There are indeed some who can reform, but value yourself enough to not let them use you as their scratching post until and if they do, if you have any kind of choice in the matter. And if you don't, then remind yourself that change is a constant of the universe because it is. So is karma, be it internally inflicted or externally. You do have the right to fight for yourself, in terms of universal principles of right and wrong, even if the legal system of the United States is crappy at defending victims right now (and I am working to try to change that... frankly, you probably should also). But do try to remember that if you and the other party or parties are 18 or under then there is (pardon) not a lot of life experience to work with, and people might not actually understand what they're doing or the consequences of their actions. Sometimes, stupidity or ignorance is the real reason for causing harm or hurt, and not malice. Happens more often than you'd think.
Old saying: to have a friend, be a friend. It applies.
Thankfully the "toxic positivity" cliquish stigma is starting to go away, and it is a good idea to do your part. In other words, if you see nothing really wrong with a person's heart, and they are a decent human being, but they're either negative, or low in social status, or easy to scapegoat, or in another group or clique, or, or, or, don't ignore them. Chat. Maybe hang out. As Peg Bracken and SE Hinton mentioned, the universal "thwack" of dealing with unpleasant things is something EVERYONE is dealing with so it is good to try to understand where someone is coming from instead of make a snap judgment about their whole existence.
It would really be a shame if you didn't express how much you care about somebody you care about when you still have the chance. Life is short. Make a point of demonstrating how much you give a shit.
It helps to ask yourself if the bitterness, anger, or other negativity people send your way has more to do with them than it does with you. It's more often than not a "them" thing, and they would have said/done the same stuff to anyone else. You just happened/happen to be there.
If another human meets bare basic standards for human decency, specifically: they don't harm the innocent deliberately ever and they try to be ethical all the time - then the only person missing out by not interacting with them because for whatever reason they don't seem good enough for your company is - you. Please understand that the adult world has (the majority of it anyway) flunked this lesson.

About Risk, added 5/21/23

Folks in teenage years for millenia in human history are known for being a little impulsive. Maybe taking risks, testing limits and boundaries. Well you should know something about me. I used to have no fear. Turns out that's kind of bad for you. But I also grew up completely surrounded by cowards. They were so afraid of everything that they didn't do anything (almost) that needed to get done, and always took the easy way out no matter how unethical it was. So when they said "hey, don't take this stupid risk and don't be stupid" in my head I always responded "you mean like you?" So... maybe temper any enthusiasm to try new things with logical reasoning and research first. There is a chance there might be some scientific research out there indicating what you plan to try is a good or a bad idea. Or maybe someone else, a lot of someones, have tried what you're planning to do and had unexpected results to them, and they want to warn you away from it or recommend it now. You absolutely can go it alone if you have to. But... it's not fun. Unless you are extremely lucky, or have a high tolerance for pain and adversity, or both. Regardless there is one thing cowards will never know, and that is facing learning things the hard way is infinitely easier than being forced to learn them the hard way. As WC Fields once said, "Take the bull by the tail and face the situation!"

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